Hi!

Man, I’ve been waiting weeks for today, WEEKS. And its finally here!

John and I have good times planned this weekend, all kinds of fun things to do, fun places to go, fun people to be with, improv shows, movies, bbq’s, dog walks, dog snuzzles, good food, good weather, my first bike ride to moms in Evanston tomorrow…love it.

Okay, a little more explanation about yesterday too, after doing some more looking around on the internets, this method of eating I was talking about is a thing, its called “intuitive eating.” You eat what your body wants, when you’re hungry, and you stop eating when you’re full. You do not eat emotionally! Food is not divided into “good” and “bad”, there just is no such thing. You exercise and are healthy.

I’m still mystified by it.

But these are philosophies I’ve always believe, different people are meant to be different sizes, different people are attracted to different things about food, I love bread and dairy, John can’t eat dairy, I love chocolate, John likes salt…you know? Our bodies yearn for different things. We are meant to enjoy food, not hate it. All these things make sense to me logically, but I think when it would come to actual implementation, I would freak out. I’ll think about it.

Anyway, watch this please, it is the funniest effing thing of my whole lifetime:

9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

Everytime I watch it I laugh over and over and over again.

Happy weekend everyone, love the one you're with.

ISHT - Pain in the neck edition

This is the most Friday feeling Thursday ever.

So guess what? Guess what? 148 y’all! Feels really good! Maybe everything is going to start coming together now! Right when I’m having a week when I’m not exercising! Ever since my “neck event” of a few months ago the pain kind of keeps coming back every now and again, its pretty painful this time around and I didn’t catch it early enough and now its almost gone, but I’ve spent the week taking it really easy, lots of regular walking, but not much exercising. I kind of miss it.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about so many things! Earlier this week Erin (she’s been in my blog every week now huh?) pointed out this great blog and it absolutely has thrown me into a tailspin.
Essentially, what’s going on here is that this woman is trying to eat what her body wants when she wants it….

That could be Twinkies, or ho ho’s or pizza or vegetables or a salad or a turkey sandwich. It is the most fascinating thing and I cannot believe that it is the most fascinating thing. I cannot believe that this idea is so foreign to me. “Eat what you want when you want it”

I honestly have no idea how to do that exactly. I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my life. I’m not a big dieter, never have been, right? The weighing of the chicken and such, but for my entire life, since I can remember, I have been worried/conscious/concerned and horrified by eating. I used to eat terribly and felt terribly about it, now I eat much better and feel better about it, but every single day, every moment it is a concern, an active thought. What would it feel like really, to listen to your body and eat what it wants with absolutely no guilt, no judgments? I really have no idea.

I’m not sure I can do it…reading around, it seems like starting this idea is so hard, because we/women/I feel like we’re going to eat EVERYTHING and get really fat. If I give myself the permission to eat whatever I want, I’m going to eat Big Macs and pizza every day.
But they say that it doesn’t happen like that, because that is still eating with your emotions, if you eat what your BODY wants, you end up eating much more healthily than you think. Yeah, you might eat 5 pieces of pizza one day, but you won’t want pizza again for awhile, and your body will probably honestly crave something really good for you the next day…

I really don’t know if I could do this, or want to, I’m honestly scared of it. And now that maybe I’m losing weight doing what I’m doing? Forcefully making myself eat better and exercise? Why would I stop doing that? Isn’t that good for me? (no one on this un-diet says to stop exercising! if it feels good, do it kind of thing, and most bodies like exercise!)

What does it feel like to stop worrying and working on what you eat and just…eat? It is really freaking me out.

Mmmmmmmmm pizza

I have nothing specific to talk about today, so here are some things I’m thinking about in a very general way:

I realize that you don’t have to want to have Obama’s babies or think that he is the greatest thing in the world, that’s cool with me…but you have to be okay with me feeling that way.

I think Archuleta should win but dial idol is saying Cook is going to win. I don’t really much care either way.

Oh right, my five favorite books of all time:

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Edge of Sadness by Edwin O’Connor
Into Thin Air by John Krakauer and and and….

this last one really has me thinking…for today, I’m going to go with either…

Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky or its exact opposite
The Time Travelers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger or
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult

Shoot, maybe I just have 4.

I can’t wait for this upcoming weekend, I just cannot wait, beautiful weather, a whole long weekend with my little family…love it

I got more responsibility at work, this feels good, but also horrifying, responsibility scares me.

I want to eat Doritos lately, a lot. I want to eat them all the time.

I’m thinking about cutting down on my TV watching now that summer is here.

Call me fickle, but even though I have really hated Hillary at some moments in this campaign, I cannot wait to watch her turn that energy on to McCain.

I want to eat pizza, a lot. I want to eat it all the time.

Love in an Elevator - I wish.

So, I’m reading the Pulitzer Prize winning books right? And I’m enjoying myself, I like the books, there have been one or two I haven’t loved (“Empire Falls”, boo), but generally I’m quite pleased. “The Edge of Sadness” is a book I never would have found or read and it is definitely in my top five (what are my top five you ask? I’m not sure; I’ll try and figure that out and post it tomorrow, I got my top three right handy). You know, these Pulitzers, well…they’re some pretty good books; they don’t just award the Pulitzer to some piece of claptrap do they?

Yes, I guess they do.

I FINALLY finished “Arrowsmith” by Sinclair Lewis and I’m not sure I’ve ever been so bored in my life. Blech, patooey, yuck, boo, barf.

This is by far, one of the most boring, un-insightful, un-beautiful, un-anything books I have ever read. I forced myself to finish it because I want to be able to say that I read ALL of the Pulitzers, but it took will power, more will power than quitting smoking ever did. I actually woke up this morning with a smile on my lips, looking forward to this day because this is the day I finished this infernal book.

It is the story of Martin Arrowsmith who wants to be a doctor! Or a chemist, or a biologist, but he has such a hard time getting there! Well you know what? So does every Tom Dick and Butthead. He is an insipid character, he’s not a hero, he’s not an anti-hero. He’s not mean, he’s not nice. He’s like….a Trixie, shallow without being perverse. Arrowsmith then manages to marry the laziest woman who admits to lying on the couch all day and sometimes has buttons missing on her jacket! WOW.

I read some commentary just to kind of see why this book is a classic and some bullshit about “exposing the medical community” back then. You know, there are a ton of books exposing conditions at the turn of the century that, even though those conditions make no sense to us in this day and age, you can still feel the drama and the cutting edgeness of the book, but this? No, not, I’m not buying it.

Ack. I’m almost willing to say I hate this book, but I have a hard time with that kind of language when it comes to books, its like saying you hate a dog. A compassionate human can’t really HATE a dog, or a book.

But this is the closest I’ve ever come I tell you.

Boo, Sinclair Lewis, boo all over your ass.

White

EEEK! Wedding dress has been boughten!

It will be here in about a week! I have to say, I went back to try it on again, and I’ve been trying on a size 16 in a black…so I’m very much looking forward to getting the right dress! Ack. OMG.

I’m getting married.

Okay.

So we had a great weekend! Our Bitch Stole My Fish show on Friday was awesome. We had such a good time, all the ladies were hilarious and there is just no fear, none. John had a funny show too, that’s a good base for a fun night. We went to the bar and hung out and did shots and played and laughed and it was just perfect.

Saturday we went to take Buddy to see my mom and right as we were almost there, John asked me if I put the garage door down….

….

I had no idea, so we drove all the way back home to check, because my bike is in there and stuff. I was berating myself for not being sure until John told me to Tolle it and it doesn’t matter and we had nowhere to be and we just enjoyed the ride in the sunshine and talked about long-term (California maybe?) and short-term (enjoy being married) plans. It was fun.

Saturday night I saw a show…then we went back to the bar! That hasn’t happened in ages, two nights in a row. Granted, neither of us drank much, but it still felt like we were 20.

Yesterday we went to the Ravenswood Manor garage sale, it’s a whole huge neighborhood that participates and it was pretty weird and fun. I got what I wanted, John got some things he wanted, then we came home and watched Dexter (love it) and the Frontline Everest special on the 1996 tragedy detailed in Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air.”

All in all a good weekend, good week coming up, lots to do but nothing horrible.


We’re getting married.

S'Friday!

Too bad its so icky outside, its really putting me in a horrible mood.

NOT.

Anyhoo, today is an extremely fun day for lots of reasons, or at least, a few reasons.

Reason one is that I found out two friends are getting married, yay! Congrats to Scott and Erin. There’s quite a lot of love there and quite a lot of love makes me extremely happy, so yay to them and to us and to all people that are getting married, are married, are thinking about getting married, want to get married, will get married or will never get married...

My own love and I have a pretty fun weekend coming up as well, tonight, the stars align and what hasn’t happened in years is happening tonight! John has a show at the Playground with his team Homey Loves Chachi, and I have a show at the Playground with my team, the lovely ladies of Bitch Stole My Fish. It’s been ages since we’ve had a show on the same night together, it’s going to be fun, I’m really looking forward to it. I just hope Homey can keep up with the ladies of BSMF.

Tomorrow we’ll take pup to see mom and we have a shindig tomorrow night and Sunday John is taking me to see Ironman, because I’m the last person in the United States to actually see it.

I’m looking forward to hanging with my friends, enjoying the weather (I don’t give a damn if it rains every day till September, there aren’t ice-sidewalks and that’s enough for me) hanging with John and enjoying a quiet, yet fun-filled weekend.

If you’re interested in seeing bitches stealing fishes, come to the Playground at Belmont and Halsted tonight at 8:00. Yip!

ISHT - Mirrors are evil edition

149 heyo! Does anyone get the feeling this is the weight I'm supposed to be at?


As I sit here, eating my endless salad, I ponder the curiousness of my body and mind.

I’m still recuperating from my runabout! I feel great, but definitely some achy things here and there, achy ankles (my new band name) and achy knees, nothing bad, just kinda achy, so I’ve been taking it pretty easy the past couple of days, didn’t run on Tuesday and did some yoga last night. I think tonight I’ll do some high-speed treadmill walking and some strength stuff, gotta love the itrain.

I’m impressed that I can burn half a pound in a day, yet still lose no weight. Argh.

But I had a moment last night, one described not so long ago by the lovely Erin…she saw some pictures of herself that she deemed not so flattering and it sent her into a mild dervish.

I had the same thing happen last night. I did my yoga, it was hard, but I felt strong, doing it always makes me feel stronger, and I went to change my clothes and seriously, my stomach was sticking out to high heaven. I don’t know if it was bloating or what, but really…it was so out there.

I looked in the mirror and in an instant, hated everything about myself. Not just dissatisfaction, but actual hate. I hated my hair, face, boobs, torso, thighs, toes, everything in a split second. It was horrible, I knew it was horrible, I felt myself reacting like a butthead but I couldn’t stop it.

Not only did it shock me how much I hated myself, but the speed in which I got there. Yikes.

It’s still even with me today, although not quite so intense, and I certainly see the folly in it. Bygum.

So I don’t know what this means or what I’m trying to say, except that I guess we all have it from time to time, even when old, and to somehow figure out a way to erase it sooner than later and...

Yup, just about done with my salad.