Friday, March 03, 2017

My Weird and Wonderful Tattoo

I have four tattoos.

They're all kind of little. I have a toe tattoo, my zodiac symbol (Leo) hidden quietly away on my hip and the Thai word for "Laugh" on the back of my neck. And yes, it really does say Laugh and not "stupid white girl." I checked.

And last year, on my mom's death day, I got a tattoo I had been thinking about for awhile. I got my Buddha hand tattoo.

And I loved it the second I got it.

And then I didn't.

In fact, I didn't love it at all. I got a hand tattoo'd on my arm. Why did I do that? I also, for some reason, got it on an angle. Why did I do that? And, finally, it's basically a religious symbol for a religion I really know very little about. Why did I do THAT?

I actively even tried to cover it up last summer and was relieved when winter came because I didn't have to worry about it.

And then 45. Then President 45.

And suddenly my tattoo that is awkward and strange became so much more meaningful to me.

When I was getting it, the tattoo guy kept straightening it out while were figuring out where to put it, I kept turning it on this angle. He finally left it that way. The reason why it's on an angle I finally discovered for myself? It's so I can see it better. It was always so I could see it better.

And the reason why it's this hand and not the Buddha's face? First of all, don't put the Buddha's face on your skin, don't put it on anything really, not right.

And my mom had this hand in her house as I was growing up.

I never knew what it was until I was grown. But I had always been fascinated by it as a kid. Then once I started listening to my Buddhist podcasts and started meditating, the hand became more beautiful to me. I always connected it then to my childhood and my mom too.

Then we traveled to Buddhist countries, this is what I would pick out for people to bring home for presents. The Buddha's hand.

So sure, it's a religious symbol, but it's also a symbol of my mom. And of our travels.

And now, more than ever.



And suddenly my tattoo that was awkward and skewed and religious and strange, is what it was supposed to be from the beginning.

It is a symbol of peace.
It is a symbol of love.
It is a symbol of family.
It is a way to show you which side I fall on.
It is a way to show you I'll protect you when I can.
It is proof to me about what matters to me. What my priorities are.

Plus, I think the tattoo artist did a really beautiful job with it.

It's gorgeous.

And I'm not ashamed of it anymore.

I can't wait for summer.

Let's show everyone my crooked, beautiful, dogmatic symbol of peace.


Erica said...

I am giving you an emotional standing ovation right now.

Hixx said...

THANK YOU! I'll fucking take it.