Monday, January 13, 2014


So funny, in winter (which I love) I get worried about the quiet. I get worried about the 5 pounds I inevitably gain in the winter. I get worried about my laziness and my need to sit on the couch NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.

I get worried that I don't even need the sun.

And then a day comes along (what it's gotta be almost 45? Sun shining?) and I remember, oh it's okay, it's all passing, it's all temporary. Because the sun and the warm weather make me want to go out, to see friends, to exercise, to work to clean...I realize this weather is leaving soon and I'm okay with that, it just lets me see that winter is a state of mind and my laziness and need for darkness will disappear on the first nice day, so that's good. It allows me to enjoy the darkness.

My Buddhism is going okay, I stopped meditating during the holidays when I felt badly, when I could have used it the most, but it's okay. I'll start again, fits and bits. I still listen to my podcasts almost daily and it is just so helpful. If you feel badly, no matter your religion, seriously, listen to one Tara Brach podcast, or Gil Fronsdale. If you are bothered by your thinking ALL THE TIME, if that makes you tired, if you're exhausted by your own drama, just take a listen. I can't even explain to you how it helps.

My exercise has also been off. It's cold, I can't go outside and I love and hate my treadmill. I get worried I'm not doing enough, but really, all I need is freaking movement and a little sweat. I remind myself this is not for WEIGHT but for peace of mind.

Anyway, here's the best quote ever. Ever. This is Rumi:

Gamble everything for love.
If you are a true human being.
If not, leave this gathering.
Half-heartedness doesn't reach into majesty.
You set out to find God, but then you keep
stopping for long periods at mean-spirited roadhouses.
Don't wait any longer.  Dive in the ocean, leave and let the
sea be you.  Silent, absent, walking an empty road, all praise.

Mean spirited roadhouses? BEST. 

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