Thursday, September 26, 2013


Oh my god you guys! Sweetie Maude starts tonight!

Can you believe it? Can you BELIEVE IT???

I'm so excited. I woke up crying. That's how I roll.

Something interesting, certainly mom has been in the background of all this. It all starts with mom. She loved Sondheim more than anything except maybe her dog. Sweeney Todd was as much of my education as history or geography, more even. I know way more about Sondheim musicals than I do about where America is.

She knew it was happening, I think Sabrina and I were sure we were doing this while mom was alive. We hadn't started writing but she knew about it. That's good.

But in the past week I've been getting these really intense, short bursts of mom that just break me. For about 30 seconds I CRY, cry cry cry, and I'm not sure if it's grief or I just miss her or she should be here or she would love this or all of the above, but it happens, FAST. And then it goes away just as fast. It flies in my heart, makes me cry and then leaves as soon as the tears start to roll. It's happened a few times, maybe 5 or 6 times in the past few days.

My dharma podcast teachers teach that an emotion lasts about 90 seconds. Their point of course is that we can hold on to that same emotion for 20 years right? We all know this. But the emotion lasts only a few seconds actually.

I think that's it with this mom thing. I am feeling FULL ON emotion for about 90 seconds and then it leaves me as suddenly as it came.

I figure if that's the way mom is going to do it, I'm down with that.

My brothers sent me some unbelievable flowers yesterday, I'm so thankful. And I feel like they did it because mom couldn't. 

It is an amazing thing to put yourself out there. It is frightening and amazing and as cool as all try to be, to put your heart and work into the world is one of the worst and best things and really, this is what it's all about.

Hey! More tears...let 'em roll...

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