Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Forward Thinking

Buddhism baby!

There has never been any question, long before I even heard of the Buddha, that the Hixx constantly looks forward. I've talked it about it here many times, I never rehash old arguments, I very rarely think of the way I was hurt or happy in the past. But the future!? Oh my gosh, I have made up multiple futures on multiple occasions, just in the last five minutes. This is what I think about - the future.

So I've been working on this and a big thing in Buddhism is to live in your body, not your mind. The body is always in the present, it doesn't live in the past or the future, but your mind can live all over at multiple times yes?

That's what meditation helps with, staying in the body. And if you learn what fear feels like in your body, then when it happens again you can realize that's what it is. And I've learned that fear feels different than grief (fear is in my stomach, grief sits heavy in my chest), feels different than anger, feels different from happiness. If you can sense these emotions in your body (tight stomach, tight chest, etc) then you can name it faster, realize it faster and lose it faster. The body reacts fully and extremely.

One really interesting thing I've realized from this practice is that not only is my mind in the future, but my body is too. My neck sticks WAY far out. When I run my whole body leans forward and I found when I'm meditating my torso leans WAY forward.

Weird and neat right?

Everything that I can lay my finger on is about me moving faster in the future. So I've been working on it physically now. Sitting back, ears over shoulders. When running - I'm going at the pace I'm going, sit back on my body. Meditating, lean back, it's a much surer and more comfortable position. When I'm anxious or late or worried, I've been working on sitting back. Standing tall. Being "here."

I find when I'm writing blog posts, even this one, I'm cruising through it. Very rarely do I "write" something. This is what I'm deciding I want my whole life to be about and I zip through it like it'sa  fucking root canal. I'm way more concerned about getting it done, and up, so I can move on to the next thing.

I'm hoping now to work on my writing. Not my written.

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