Sunday, February 10, 2013

Whoa Whoa WHOA

Where has the Hixx been? Over a week? A week and two days? Poor lil blog.

Anyway, I'm good.

I'm really good.

I feel really strong these days, really motivated, focused but totally not and, I just feel good. My thought is that I should work as hard as I can while I feel like this, because in this world of impermanence (thank you Buddha), I know it won't last forever.

Here are some things I have learned in my strong days of the past few weeks.

1. I am in charge.

I'll tell you what, one of my tours, the Redlight one, has been bugging me for years. I don't like it. I don't like giving it, I don't like doing it - there's something off. I've tried revamping it, thinking about it in a different way and I just can't get it. When I was thinking about next season I got a knot in my stomach thinking about the tour and having to give it. I tried changing it's times and I just didn't want to do it. I was secretly dreading the summer, because of this tour.

GUESS WHAT HIXX - this is YOUR business OMG! I can't believe how long it took me, seriously.

I'm not giving the Redlight Tour next season. How about that? And I'm so happy about it. I'm so relieved. Now I can move forward with my plans for the summer. I got so wrapped up in my own head of how my own head thought I should do things. I can't even believe I had to give myself permission to work the way I want to. Unbelievable.

2. I don't have time to rush

Again - Buddha. The cult of busy is something Tara Brach has been talking a lot about (if you listen to this, you will cry in a beautiful way, just saying), the cult of busy. Now, with my newfound creative juices flowing out of control, with ideas and thoughts and plans flying all around my head - it is easy to get into "busy." But the thing about all of this, is I feel like I'm not doing the work this time, for validation or praise or for people to know just how busy I really am. I feel like  now I'm doing the work because I want to. It's a part of my inner being. I don't need to rush - this is what I'm doing.  I go as I go. No more rushing dog walks, where is there I have to be? I have no time to rush. I'm on to bigger things.

3. Epic

I can't believe all of this stemmed from Les Miz. But it did. That was the day I thought "I can do this." And when I said that, I think. When I told my brother I wanted to epic he worried for me I think - looking too high.

But that's not the epic I'm talking about. It's like with improv when we learn to "play to the height of our intelligence." I talk about this on the SC tour a lot, people's heights are different. Chris Farley's height is way different than say...Jon Stewarts. Right? So yes, Les Miz was epic, but so is Bridesmaids.

What I mean by epic is the best work I can do. And lately, I'm expecting that from the people I'm working with too. And surprisingly,  a lot of people are not rising to the occasion. A lot do, don't get me wrong, but it's interesting to see who doesn't.

I have four priorities right now. Lost and Found, Chicago Elevated, Sweetie Maude and Same Same (that's the novel!).

They shall all be epic.

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