Redefining

Now I think is the time to reevaluate what I'm doing, to question some goals and make new ones. I like reassessing things, that's fine with me.

But I'm thinking I need all new definitions for things these days. If I'm going to do what I need to do to get this creative project off the ground, I have to focus. up. hard. It's a lot of work, it's going to take discipline:

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment.”

I've been thinking about that quote a lot lately.

I need to redefine what "work" means, and "play" and "reward" and love and laziness and relationships and what I want and what I don't and what I'm willing to do for all of those things that I want.

I'm still so fantastically concerned with right and wrong, with whether I'm working hard enough or not working at all. I'm concerned if others think I'm working hard enough or not.

It's driving me bananas.

I am not a freaking child for godsakes. No one is breathing over my shoulder anymore. It doesn't matter anymore if it's right or wrong or whether I'm liked or loved or whether the bus driver validates whether I've worked hard enough today.

GAH.

I'm tired of other people's definitions of things. I care not for words like: illogical, irresponsible, lazy, tired, mistaken, fucked up

or hell, even the words for success, cause those suck too.

I'm going through a redefining process, it's kind of fun.