On this day of very slow internet, a fairly slow week/weekend of tours and a massive amount of mundane stuff I need to think about, my mind quickly goes to:
selling everything we own and getting the hell out of dodge.
Guh.
It all just seems so silly and pointless sometimes, by the time we get to a point we want to be at, we'll be old and broken.
I know it's kind of morbid, but these are some of the last carefree years of our life. Eventually, soon enough, something will come up that will make it impossible for us to go anywhere we choose, do anything we want.
I can't help but feel I'm wasting some of the best years ever.
Why are we not across the world helping people? Or making something? Or seeing something that will rock our worlds? WHY OH WHY ARE WE HERE trapped, working so hard for something we can't even name?
I swear, on my bad days (if this is a bad day, that's pretty good actually, cause it's more a huge restlessness than it is a bad day) I know in my heart that begging people to come on tours and watching The Bachelorette is really not the best way to spend my time.
Grrrr.
Trapped.
3 comments:
Hixx, I feel the exact same way. A lot. A lot a lot. I don't know what the answer is, but I can't believe I'm living my best life.
Hey Margaret!
When I feel that way (and in the last 3 years, I've felt that way A LOT), I try to remember the lessons I learned when things were the absolute darkest... when I was broke as a joke without any smoke.
Enjoy the journey as much as you can, and FORGET the destination. Worrying that you're going to be old and broken when you reach your life's goals assumes that you're not going to change those goals as you go along. And if I've learned ANYTHING in the last 3 1/2 years, it's that my life's goals can be changed, suddenly and violently, whether I wanted them to or not.
But there are moments of beauty and joy every day. I just have to remind myself to keep my eyes open for them.
Thanks you guys, your kind words mean a lot! It's just, you ever get this inkling that you're not supposed to be where you are?
Had a quote from my awesome Chris Guillebeau -
"All the bad days have two things in common: you know the right thing to do, but you let someone talk you out of it."
Love that.
But Hendo, you're right, I pride myself on being able to enjoy the "every day" and honestly, sometimes I think I enjoy it too much. I get worried and scared that someday I won't be able to and ...
sigh.
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