Saturday

Like I said, John's working today and tonight and tomorrow. Sigh. Sun is out.

Sabrina is busy, my brother's out of town, everyone has stuff going on today and tonight. That's okay.

The past few weeks have been...not slow exactly, but the tours aren't ROCKING, (they will though, where is that Sun-Times piece??) and I'm spending a lot of time alone.

I love being alone. I really do. I miss John to pieces and wish desperately that he were here to play with me, but I do like being alone. But it's been a lot of it lately, with everyone so busy and it's basically my downtime. I was actually dreading today a little bit, because sometimes when I'm alone, that means I do nothing!

But so far I've run 6 miles (longest, sweet, not longest ever, but next week's run will be the longest ever), cleaned, had breakfast, did the laundry, a little work and it's only 1:11! NICE.

I'm trying to learn how to "settle in" to things. Once a week I do a long run (today) and I'm learning to settle in to them. To not rush, to not push, to not be aggressive, but just to run, quietly, efficiently, calmly...it's cool, usually about 40 minutes in I'm just cruising at a nice pace, not tired, not pushing...

I push on my other running days, but not my long one - balance.

So I'm settling in to aloneness. You know, when you get married, even if you have a husband who works a lot, you're not alone much. I happen to have a job that is totally dependent on people, so I see them a lot. I'm not usually alone for a whole weekend at a time! And I swear last night it was making me anxious (it's not like me to be anxious with alone, truly) and I'm doing that and it's great! I'm working, playing...settling in.

Even now when I'm walking, especially if I'm coming home, or am in no particular rush, I find myself barreling down the street, pushing and pulling and exasperating sighing a lot, I'm really working on this now - walk easy, settle in, let them go ahead, let them fall behind...

settle in to saturday - my new motto.