Sunday, January 02, 2011

So...what's up?

Sunday morning, everything gets completely whacked out tomorrow. I start p90X again, I start the book in terrible and excitable earnest, I have summer tours to plan and organize....

It makes my head hurt.

On New Year's Eve, as I looked around at the friends that I call the best, laughing so hard tears started streaming down my face (seriously, if you want the full effect of what it's like to hang out with a room full of people that have made it their priority to be funny, hang out with us on NYE, the bits fly and they just kill me), so tears of laughter are streaming down my face and almost uncontrollably, I started really crying. I could have let loose too, I really could have. As my sweet husband kissed my face I begged him to tell me something mundane so I wouldn't break down and start truly weeping...I'm not sure what it was he told me, but something about the new Adobe versus the old one...

I still don't know why I was crying, relief, fear, change, sameness, excitement, contentment, love...everything, it all just came down on me, it was neat in a way - I almost wish I hadn't been in a public place so that I could have just let it all out.

I knew what 2010 was about, I knew it with every bone in my body. It was about John and I picking ourselves back up, it was about money, it was about Burningman, it was about India, it was about expansion.

I have no idea what 2011 is about, I'm really scared to death of it. I have clues as to what this year holds, but it seems to me what 2011 is about is putting myself out there times a million. I have to take risks this year, personal risks, I have to test the waters, expand, contract, I don't know...but it scares me. In a good way I think.

2011 is about focus, risk and focus.



wafelenbak said...

This post just made me smile so much. Happy New Year, Hixx.

Hixx said...

Yay Waflen! Thank you so much for reading it and enjoying it. Happy New Year to you too!

hendo said...

I've been thinking a lot about our conversation on NYE in light of this post, and I'm feeling a lot of that "Beginning of the New Year" pressure/terror that you are. But I'm trying to remember what we said, and remember how HORRIBLE everything was just a couple of years ago. Each year backing away from that edge has been better, and while I know 2011 ain't gonna be easy, it can't POSSIBLY be as bad as 2008 was, right? (He says as he knocks on wood...)

Hixx said...

Hendo! I've been thinking about it too. And yes, 2011 isn't as scary as 2009, nothing can be that scary again. No matter what, it won't ever be like that. no matter what.

So we'll celebrate 2011, because what we don't know can't hurt us. Right? Ugh.