40

Oh I remember sitting around with my childhood friends...we would sit in Gingy's basement and talk about our futures.

The first real milestone for us would be the year 2000. I would be 30 in that year and I could not imagine what my life would be like.

The next big milestone was 40. What in the world would my life be like when I was 40 years old.

And no matter how much imagining I did, I could never imagine being 40. I was sure I would die the day I turned 40, just from shock really.

But here I sit, a yogurt with kashi cereal in front of me. A dog snoozing on the couch, a handsome husband working with me on my dreams, a thing called Facebook where my friends can all wish me a happy birthday...and I'm happy.

Growing old scares me sometimes, but growing older has always been a joy for me. There is no doubt that the Hixx gets better with age, no doubt at all. The real heyday of my life is in front of me I believe, not behind me.

Sure things like Burningman and India and Chicago Elevated help me to believe that the greatest adventures and my greatest work are ahead of me, but it's also just a knowledge that I acquired in the past few hard years of life and marriage: I'm going to be okay. And that feeling that I know I'm always going to be okay - that feeling only gets stronger with age and self-knowledge. It doesn't lessen, it gets stronger.

I woke up this morning early, "too excited to sleep" and not just for the casino or Hackneys later (yay!) but for turning 40. I was honestly excited this morning to be moving into a crazy decade.

And now I wonder where I'll be at 50, what will I be like? What will my life be like? I have no answers to this question, but I do know, I'll be okay.

Bring it on 50, I can't wait.