Thursday, May 07, 2009

Dark Night of the Soul

Ooooh, things are gearing up around here, THEMS opens Saturday. I can't wait to see it. I was at a full rehearsal yesterday and man oh man are these guys awesome. I can't wait for Saturday to come, sitting in the audience, seeing the whole thing put together. John is working like a madman, I feel like I haven't seen him in days, but when I do the guy is exhausted...and all smiles. I love that.

Me? Well I've been sitting on the couch stewing in my own juices. I've been in a bad place for a few weeks now and have been having trouble shaking it. I seem to remember feeling this way during past springtimes and wonder if it's the cause of great expectations. The sun comes out, the grass is green and the world is a brighter and prettier place, yet, still we have the same struggles we always somehow spring washes away all my troubles. I think I get upset when I find it doesn't.

I also think it's a time of ramping up and my instinct when things ramp up is to go to the television, I battle this a lot.

And like I've mentioned before, I trust myself not to stay in a position of darkness. I've been there enough to know I always get over it at some point, I think I enjoy happiness (some don't) and sometimes I indulge myself in my down times, letting my soul get it all out, I try to analyze it, be aware of it, but not let it stay.

Today I woke up just tired of it. Tired of being tired, tired of being in a bad mood, tired of everything being a goddamn hassle. It's hard to live that way and I'll tell you what, it's no fun. Not for me or the people around me. It's also extremely boring. I haven't been creative, I haven't been writing, I haven't been concentrating on the good things in my life and it's honestly so mundane I don't think I can take it anymore.

It's a new day folks, I'm batting it down, feeling the breeze in my hair. I'm going to get back to work. I'm going to ride my bike. I'm going to take care of my husband and my dog. I'm going to feel the warm sun on my face. I'm going to let it go.

I'm going to download some Go Go's to my ipod. That should do it.


Mental P Mama said...

I believe you appreciate the "up" so much better after having a taste of "down." Take care.

Kate said...

It's like you read my mind with this post.

Hixx said...

Thank you ladies! It's nice knowing I'm not the only one who goes crazy every once in awhile.