On Laziness:

I have battled my whole life with laziness. I think to some degree my whole family has. It was a badge of honor to be lazy in our house. It is with great pride that we are a family who can sit on our asses all day and watch TV.

I am now pushing back on the family myth.

I am trying now to figure out what the opposite of laziness is...sometimes I think discipline. Everyone wants to be inherently lazy, the people that aren't are the people who have self-discipline, something I lack. Sometimes I think its mindfulness. If I take pride and wonder at every small thing I do, then there is no such thing as "chore" or "work" it is all of the same cloth, you do what you do, each step takes the mindfulness that it took before.

I am tired of the family myth of laziness, of my own belief in my inherent laziness. You know who says I'm lazy? I do.

For me laziness is a reward. I exercise so that I can sit down later. I clean the house so it will be nice when I sit down later. I go to work to pay for the pretty TV I watch when I sit down later. And generally, now that I think about it, I'm okay with that laziness.

It's the small things, the check I need to write, the email I need to send, the dishwasher, the laundry. There has been many a time when I have sat, with my email open and ready and thought "I really need to email so and so" and I don't. I just don't send the email.

Why do I find it more beneficial to me to watch 24 then clean some clothes? One is surely more advantageous than the other, one would at least get me moving, one would provide me with a surer footing in social situations...why do I not do it? What is that tick that says no...don't do that now....I know it'll only take two seconds...but do it later.

So I'm putting attention on this now, emptying the dishwasher when it needs to be empty, walking the dog again even though I did it last time, working out even if I don't want to, sending that thank you note, writing that email, being active and engaged with the world even if it's on a smaller scale.

It's hard. I have to rest.