Monday, February 23, 2009

Ack

Kay, I fell behind a little there, weird to go back to a daily blog posting when many of my days are similar to the one before it.

I work 10-3, so I supposed I'll probably do after-work posts from here on in. Early morning posts by the Hixx probably wouldn't be that fun. Heh.

So...I have a couple more days under my belt from the job! And its pretty good. Truly. It is nice to have work and it just makes me feel a little less fearful, getting out of the house and doing something and getting money for doing something, it does help in my crazy mind.

I totally have monkey mind, I need to meditate or something because I go from free as a bird to feeling completely trapped. I waffle between loving being home in Chicago and wanting to race out of here to some faraway land. I know in my heart I have so much work to do, but I can't manage to get off my butt and do it. I feel totally scared and totally fine.

I'm thinking about a friend of mine who just lost her job, and how awful those first few weeks were. How weird it all feels and how awful I felt and how free and then awful I felt. And I think now it really is about letting it go as much as possible. Both John and me losing our jobs meant losing our life together as we knew it to some degree. These is all unchartered waters here and I have NO IDEA what's going to happen. I don't see an exact end result here, I don't have a plan, I have to accept "I don't know" as an answer.

So yeah, see disparate thoughts? Monkey mind.

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