Ah, the money fear rears its ugly head again. Sometimes, I hate money.
And then I try so hard to remember something my brother told me long ago: Money is just pieces of paper you use to trade for goods or services you need. Nothing more, nothing less. You need it, but it only represents a method of payment. The more emotion you attach to it the more it means, and the more it rules your life.
You know, I was never able to watch Cribs or Great Houses of America, or the Sweet Life of So and So because I always, every time, got envious. I always got so envious of just...not having to worry about it. Not having to think about every dime I spend. But I realize a few things...I never really worried about money before until now. I mean I did as a 20 year old, but not like the paralyzing fear I have about it now. But I've also never given it the respect it deserves until now. Now I weigh all of my options, think about what I need over what I want. It's a method of self-discipline now, another way for me to train my brain to realize what's good for me, instead of running around fixing problems by throwing cash at them.
I also realize now, that people with LOTS of money are always worrying about money. Man, what a responsibility it is to be rich. It's not that when you're rich you can stop worrying about money, what it means is you still think about it all the time, just in a different way.
And I know that I don't want to feel that way about it. I don't want to be rich. Not rich rich. I'd like to maybe one day have a pretty little house, be able to go on a vacation or two, maybe get another puppy.
But in all reality I don't want to be rich. I don't want money to rule my life that way. Money is like food, we're all trying to find the right relationship to something that we desperately need, but too much of it makes us fat and lazy.