Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Tug of War

So, I only bought two Fage yogurts so I could test them out, I ate my two, and this morning I went to Au Bon Pain and got my regular strawberry yogurt with this delicious (and I’m sure not good for you) granola and I ate it like it was Ben & Jerry’s ice cream man, it was so good. I’ll keep going on the Fage, but yeah, now regular yogurt already seems decadent.

Okay! I’m twittering. It is a very strange thing the twitter. I very much enjoy it already, I can’t really figure out why though…mundane (and yes, funny too) thoughts of mine and my friends, exchanged for some reason, but I like it! One thing I’ve already noticed is that it makes me more aware of my thoughts. Which can be aggravating and also what I wanted. I think sometimes, as I’m trying to think of ideas for the blog, or writing in general, I don’t pay enough attention to my thoughts as I have them. I need to be more aware of what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it. So, Twitter should be an interesting experiment with that. I’m so sorry for those of you that will follow me and my random thinking, but again, I’m really enjoying reading other peoples.

Today is a test. Just so you all know. A test of how I’m going to handle a few things. We had a meeting this morning about the book (FINALLY) and there was good news and … annoying news. It seems like we’re going to be changing the whole feel of the thing, but in preparation for more work later. So this is a plus. But it’s hard to hear that all the work I did will probably be scrapped basically. I’m annoyed that I didn’t know this before I really worked my butt off to finish the book. But it’s also a chance now to kind of “redo” the whole thing. I know what (and who) I’m dealing with now and can react and act accordingly. And of course, it’s a promise of future writing work, that I would be paid for and that is never a bad thing.

One other thing that has got me thinking and analyzing my twittering thoughts, it has come to light that someone that is helping me with this book, someone I really enjoy and like a lot, is getting a lot of praise for what she’s doing, while I’m being told to change everything that I did. And man, I can feel my 16 year old self hopping up and getting ready to be angry, jealous and frustrated. But I know, oh man do I know, that her praise and her good work are only going to benefit me in the long run. I also know she deserves every inch of this praise and without her on this project; I would be weeping into my cubicle.

But it’s fascinating to me that I still have these jealous “why am I not getting mine” thoughts at 37 years old. Man oh man.

Since I stopped smoking, I’ve started seeing my thoughts as a game. Can you get out of this nic fit? Sure you can. Can you go running tonight even if you REALLY don’t want to? Sure you can. Can you let go of your innate jealousy, envy and self-consciousness to do the job at hand and do it well? And be honestly proud and happy for a peer?

Yes, I can. But I’m going to have to think about it first.

Anyway, tonight I go to Moodys with a dear friend. We both want darkness and meat. Bring it.


Anonymous said...

"We both want darkness and meat."

You'd love my friend Randy.

Hixx said...

You're good friend Randy Jackson? From American Idol???!!!!!

I better get my audition song ready.