Hey, you guys know what?
I just have a few quick things I want to talk about today…
Wedding planning. Oh my god its making me break out in hives. I haven’t even done anything and I’m breaking out in hives. I don’t want to go to chicagoweddingplanner.com or tietheknot.com or hurryupandplanyourbigdayorpeoplearereallygoingtogetangry.com. It’s all just making me so nervous I can’t stand it. I don’t know my “colors” or my “theme.” You know what my theme is? Cheeseburgers. Okay? My colors are mustard yellow and ketchup red, alright? I am very much looking forward to marrying John, do not get me wrong, but I am not a party planner okay? Never have been. Poor John can’t even suggest a plain old dinner party without me freaking out. You guys want to just come over on Sunday, look at our TV and watch us get married? Okay? Done. Thanks.
I’m really into words for the gluteus maximus these days. I’ve been enjoying such words as “rump”, “bottom”, “rear end”, “fanny”, “bum” and “toukas.” I don’t know why these are making me giggle, but they are. I’m having much fun saying “My friend Sabrina got a tattoo on her bottom.” Or, “I fell down and hurt my rump.” Or “I can still get married in a white dress because I’ve only gotten it in the toukas.”
Is anyone besides me watching Crowned? Its okay you know, you can admit it here. This is a reality TV judgment free blog (except for I Love New York, I will judge you if you watch that show, I’m sorry, but I will). I know I shouldn’t be watching this horrifying show, it’s so wrong on so many levels, its objectifying women, it’s making fun of women, its making light of mother daughter relationships, its showing how truly awful women can be to each other and I can’t stop watching. I mean, the team names alone are killing me! What are they all thinking? Silent But Deadly? Hot and Not? Oh my god. It’s just awful.
And did everyone see Dooce’s new dog? Did you? Oh my god, John…did you see Dooce’s new dog?