Okay, a little clarification from yesterday, its not that John and I can’t afford the wedding we “want.” The money doesn’t matter, I mean…it does, but it doesn’t. It’s weird, how wrapped up you (I) can get in all this stuff. We went to go to a “fancy” reception site yesterday and I got all confused and turned around, wrapped up in it all. I got sad/angry/resentful of the space we saw and knowing we could NEVER afford it, and then the second I walked out I thought “wait, from the beginning John and I knew what we didn’t want, and we what we don’t want is a sit-down/beef/chicken wedding in a big room with no windows.” Which is exactly what this was.
It’s a really weird thing to be me in this situation. I haven’t been dreaming of this since I was 6. I haven’t planned the whole thing out, I have no idea what I want and some ideas of what I don’t. So it’s very strange, I feel like John and I are spinning our wheels a little, trying to make it “meaningful” and “important”, this “special day”. That one drives me up a wall the most…”special day.”
What I want both of us to remember the most is that with our families there, our friends there and in a city we both love, it WILL be “meaningful”, “important”, and “special”, even if we’re standing in an alley. But it’s fascinating to watch us battle out these philosophies about what make something special.... anyway. We’re getting there.
Not to do a total 180 and talk about something I know none of you want to hear, but I went to the lady-doc today, and for about the 4th year in a row she told me how lovely my cervix is. Eat that fancy wedding people.
So, I finally finished “Empire Falls” by Richard Russo, another of my Pulitzer books. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Seriously. I mean, it’s a very impressive book, he really creates a whole world, a whole little town and all the people in it, not just one guy…but a whole town, and previous inhabitants of that town and I’m impressed by that. But one basic premise of his book I had a hard time believing, and trust me, I suspend disbelief better than anyone. So it felt to me, especially at the end, that Russo was really pushing it, inserting drama into a "day in the life" kind of book and I just never really believed this basic premise of his. So...yeah, done.
My next book is called “The Fixer” by Bernard Malamud and it seems to be the exact opposite of Empire Falls. It’s some sort of Russian anti-Semite “Jewish man arrested for a child’s murder” kind of book. So yeah, I’m already relieved.
I have effectively cancelled everything for tomorrow. There is nothing I need to do all day tomorrow, nowhere I need to be. I have hours of television and DVD’s, the only outing I have to take is some quick doggy walks here and there. I feel lucky knowing I have the option to do nothing tomorrow but hang with my Beyonce and pup on a warm couch, with plenty of food and tea and anything else I might need. Not to bring it all down on a Friday, but I can’t help thinking about the people that don’t have these things.
Anyway, the sunshine feels nice. Even if it’s cold, we still need our vitamin D (is it D?).
4 comments:
I have an inverted uterus.
There, I said it.
Your day tomorrow sounds like a dream come true. I just might do that myself.
Hixx
Make the wedding your own. Throw the book out on what a wedding should be. Do it your own way. I had two weddings and the traditional, beef and chicken in a windowless room, with the first dance, and the daddy daughter dance, and the flipping garter bullshit, was literally one of the most unfun times of my life. It totally sucked.
So when I did it the second time, it wasn't about my family, it wasn't about the bride getting to be the princess while I stood there and shut up. It was about US. Me and the Triscuit. First Dance? F That. We didn't dance when we were dating, why start now. Let's do a first Karaoke song. Beef and chicken - not unless it's in a really kick ass asian buffet. My second wedding remains one of the best times I ever had. No limos, school buses!
There's an entire industry built around trying to sell you on the boring bullshit weddings that they show you in the movies. It's the best man making some bullshit speech about how this is the greatest love the world has ever seen. Dump the BS!
You guys have a kick ass relationship. You're going to have a kick ass life together. Start it off in a way that is as kick ass and unique as the two of you.
Remember: Bullshit people have bullshit weddings which lead to bullshit marriages. Kick ass people have kick ass weddings and kick ass marriages. So be yourself and kick ass!
nice on the dan.
and that cervix thing is HUGE ... it's good to have good lady parts. you don't want be all corroded from the inside and shit.
Erica, but its a pretty inverted uterus.
izzo, this is why you just need to come stay with me for the next 9 months or so. Well...just forever okay? Thank you for the advice.
Smuss...be jealous of my cervix. Be VERY jealous.
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