Smokeless

New salad blog post up today! YAY, we're back.

Alright, so I know I said I wasn’t going to do a minute by minute update with the smoking, but the facts are A: This is my blog and I can do whatever I want, even if I bore the hell out of you all. B: Not smoking is by far the biggest thing going on in my life right now, if I didn’t write about it, it’s almost like I’d be lying and C: There is no C, but it’s still my blog, so I don’t even need a C.

So, okay, we had a really quiet, nice weekend. Friday I had a nice run, not as far 2.5 but my fastest time so far, so that rules. We stayed in and had Thai food and hung with the dog and watched Friday Night Lights, went to bed early…the whole shebang. It was nice.

Saturday I woke up and felt like Jacob Marley, like I was carrying around loads of chains around my neck, so tired, so logy, so blechy. Plus, it was pretty blechy outside, and one of the fun parts of quitting smoking is that you can give in to your other whims, feeling shitty and tired and crappy? FINE! Embrace it! Stay in! Sleep! Rest! Your body is telling you what it needs, so listen to it! GET UNDER THAT BLANKET AND STAY THERE, so my friends, that is precisely what I did.

We did get up eventually to go to Glenn’s Diner (please go if you haven’t, right under the soon to be opened brown line Montrose stop) with some friends. Dinner was delicious as always and we headed out with a big group to go to karaoke.

Dun de dun dun DUNNNNNN!

I did so good.

I was with all my friends who smoke (not all my friends smoke, but I was with my friends I smoke with fer sure), in a bar, having drinks, singing karaoke…oh my lord. It was hard right away, by far the hardest part, but I knew this going in. I also knew I am going to have to learn to live being a nonsmoker, and I want to do all the things I would do anyway, so I knew going in it would be rough, but that it would be okay. And it was. For most of the night. I had fun…dancing and singing will always help with the not smoking, always. But the in between times, watching everyone light up, well…it was weird, because I HONESTLY did not want to smoke, my conscious brain was fine, but man oh MAN, did my addicted brain want a smoke or what? The smell was both disgusting and alluring; watching people smoke chemicals through paper seemed silly and enticing.

I ended up hanging with John a lot, the not smoking isn’t FOR him, but he’s a big reason why I’m not, so he’s a good rock for me to stand next to, and then finally, I just couldn’t take it, and we left. Early. We had a good night out, I sang and danced, but by the end of the night I had that feeling like I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth…and I don’t need to feel that, so the second I told John, he raced us out of there, so gallant he is, not even a questioning of me, just got me out of there. And the second we stepped outside I felt so much better.

Yesterday was another sleepy, quiet easy day….hey, if this is what I need, to be at home, quiet with my dog and boy who make me smile and make me comfortable, then poor me, so be it, that’s where I shall be.

Overall a really successful weekend. Never in my life have I denied myself like I did Saturday night, never…I give in to myself a lot. And I’m really proud, and I feel really great, and I’m trying my longest run ever tonight…so…one week down, huzzah.