Day 2

Okay!

Day two, not much harder than Day 1 honestly. You know, the last time I did this, I distinctly remember gripping tables at lunch, forcing myself to not go buy a pack of smokes; reading like a madwoman to keep my mind off it all. I remember walking by ashtrays and having the instinct to go and grab the half-smoked smokes.

This time, it’s not fun, I’m not having a great time or anything, but it’s really….fine. I’m not gripping tables, I have no interest in smoking someone else’s half smoked cigarette and my fingers and hands are so damn warm, I can’t believe other people have always been this warm.

Yes, I might be a little pissy, but man, it’s just not that bad. I feel good … almost.

My run last night was fantastic, when I got home I was feeling like … antsy, just really antsy and fidgety and the run was honestly a way to relax. Quiet night, music playing, and even in just a day, not nearly the same struggle with breath I normally have. I know most smokers don’t exercise, but they should, because oh my gosh did it help with the nervous energy. So yeah…moving forward, feeling good and mmmmm, I’m so warm.

So what else is going on in my life? Nothing. I’m very self-conscious (not in a bad way, but in the literal sense) and selfish and all wrapped up in what I’m doing. But you know what? That’s okay. I’m doing something incredibly important, something that whether I acknowledge it or not is having a profound effect on my brain and my body, and I’m enjoying doing nice things for myself.

It’s weird, the little things I’m doing for myself that I enjoy that I normally don’t do. I love Roe Conn on WLS in the afternoons, but I never listen. I could, no one is telling me I can’t, and yesterday I thought “I need all the love I can get” and I just turned it on! And I’m going to right now! The littlest thing….why don’t I do nice stuff for myself all the time?

Blah, okay, ADD kicking in, gotta do something else, more tomorrow….