Really? Nah...Really? Really.

I’m so mysterious these days. I apologize. I’ll stop writing about things when no one knows what I’m talking about. I think Stephen King would hate that for sure.

Now. I’m going to talk about something. And I don’t want to sound like a trixie. I think people know me well enough by now to know that I’m not bragging or proselytizing or trying to make myself feel better by shouting out my truths.

But something happened yesterday. Something good.

But I can’t talk about it yet.

Just kidding.

I’ve been feeling a mite low lately…well…a good seven months lately since my mom had a stroke. And things kind of keep piling up and I’ve been a bit weighted under some heavy thinking, a new job, a new living arrangement. It’s all been a big learning process for me and I’ve been very mired down. I had had the actual thought yesterday morning that the true happy me was kind of lost. The carefree, hilarious, good mood girl was gone. That singing out loud, smiling at people on the street girl. That maybe she had grown up too much, felt too much sadness and maybe this was just the way people get older, get more mature. I felt this to be true, not sad, not angry, just true.

Then last night I went to the gym.

And I felt like I could go on forever.

I struggle every minute at the gym, I always have. It always takes all my strength, I’m always looking at the clock, I try to take my mind off what I’m doing by reading anything I can find. And some days are easier than others. But it’s always a struggle.

But yesterday, last night, was AWESOME. I was singing, I was dancing on the treadmill, I felt like I could keep going for hours. It wasn’t hard, it was fun. The music was right, I was strong and healthy, I was working my body and I felt better than I’ve felt in months. I don’t know what it was, I did nothing different, same food, same amount of sleep, same old day like any other.

I practically ran home, still listening to my music, singing Sweet Caroline and not giving a rats behind if anyone heard me. I haven’t felt that good in months. I feel good today too. Now I see why people exercise. I don’t know if it will continue. I don’t know if it was a little present from the exercise gods to let me know that indeed, that girl is not lost.

I don’t know. John told me not to question it. Its good advice I think. I hope it continues. If it always felt like that, I certainly would never stop.

So Friday it is, I just got paid…and a night to myself with some video games…and of course…the gym.