Miss Fit

Geesh, what a little holiday cheer can do for ya.

I was in such a rotten mood (I just typed "bood" which I like as a word also) yesterday and it wasn't even a rotten mood, I just was beating myself up constantly...all day. It stemmed from many things but most of all I think from my SMOKING (okay? Alright? Everyone knows it, okay?). Except my mom, but she only reads the blog when I tell her, as soon as this gets far enough down, I'll remind her of the blog.

Sorry if you're reading this now Mom, whoops.

I want to quit, I don't want to quit, I have quit, I have re-started. I just wish God would come down off of wherever and just make it ok to smoke for petes sakes. Make it not dangerous and gross.

Anyhoo, I was beating myself up all day, not just for that, but for a multitude of things...many of which I could not name, I just knew there were things I should feel guilty about. So I felt them just to balance out my karma.

But then I watched a little Rudolph. I watched that new Runway reality show with my man and then we put up some Christmas lights, we ate some Hershey Bars with almonds and did a little smooching. And I just felt so much better. A warm body can do wonders.

I've been thinking a lot about affection lately. Patting and petting and being held close. It's more important than sex I think. Some crave it more than others I think, but we all need it. It can make me feel okay again, even though I know I have a lot to fix, it makes the day bearable, it takes your mind off all the nasty things you know you do and remember the good things.


Bood.