Wednesday, September 14, 2016

A Whole Month of Whole 30

I'm doing it. I'm totally doing it.

I'm doing the Whole 30. 

Starting next Weds, September 21st, I'm going to do it!

I'm really scared and excited.

I've never really done anything like this before. So. I quit smoking 85 times and the one final time, so I understand a little bit about this kinds of things.

The truth is, I eat bread pretty much 3 meals a day. And I like chocolate. A lot. And sweets. A lot. And chips. And fries. And cheese. I've never eaten another way, my family ate this way, I've always eaten this way.

And I've been eating this way pretty much my whole life. And I don't really cook.

I promised myself that when I started getting "older," I would take care of myself. I've always made that promise to myself, that is why I quit smoking. I promised myself I would. I've always wanted, JUST ONCE, to eat like I'm supposed to, so I can see how it feels. I want to know.

And now I feel trapped. I feel trapped by my eating habits. I feel compulsive and out of control. I feel like I'm doing damage to myself and that is what I'm trying so hard to get away from. With my natural movement kick and my meditation - all of these kind things I'm doing for myself and then BAM, I fuck it up with 500, sometimes 600 calories of sugar and stuff a night! A NIGHT!

So, I'm doing this because I feel stuck. I'm doing this because I don't sleep well. I'm doing this because I want to learn how to take care of myself (I really don't and have never cooked), I'm doing this because I like to reinvent and relearn and learn and improve.

I'm NOT doing this to lose weight. Fuck that.

John said, why do this whole thing though? Why not just stop eating that stuff?


Oh man.

I have to. I have to make it "a deal." I have to go down the rabbit hole of Whole 30 forum boards about what is acceptable and what isn't. It has to be an event, or I would never do it.

So I started by making *JUST NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER* a soup in the crockpot to freeze. I've started trying to buy meat with no sugar in it, seriously?? SUGAR IN MEAT?

I've been looking up videos on how to cut summer squash.

Who is this girl?

A girl under control goddamnit. 

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