Thursday, June 09, 2016

My Mom Died, So I Got A Tattoo

Yesterday was June 8th. (Today is June 9th! Come here to learn important things about dates!)

Four years ago, on June 8th, my mom died.

Fast forward to a few years ago when John and I went to Vietnam and then Thailand and tried to get real Buddhist Sak Yant tattoos and the monk totally jacked up the prices so we never got them.

But once you get the idea for a tattoo in your brain, it's pretty hard to get it out.

Ever since I've been toying with a Buddhist tattoo. Now, you're not really supposed to have idols of the Buddha, like Buddha heads and stuff, that's not really a Buddhist thing. So I didn't want THE BUDDHA as a tattoo. And I wasn't looking for some simply symbology, although, that's cool, but truth? I don't know what a lot of that stuff means. I definitely didn't want a Buddhist tat I didn't understand.

In my mother's house, she had a piece of art, a beautiful and graceful hand. For much of my life I never thought that it was anything other than a beautiful hand and in my adult life, I learned that hand was the Buddha's hand. I've loved it ever since. 

One thing for sale in Thailand that is not the Buddha's head or likeness, is the Buddha's hand, it's a thing I like to buy for people and I bought one for myself. It's pretty and it makes me feel peaceful and it reminds me of my mom and my childhood.

A few weeks ago I went out on an adventure with my friend Erica. We were going to a big mindfulness thing, a run, some yoga, and a guided meditation. We were going to yoga and run and meditate and then we were going to drink and get tattoos.

But see? It was freezing that day, almost literally freezing and it had POURED rain the night before. There was no running (for us, we cheated and walked), there was no outdoor yoga (some girls seriously set up their mats right next to huge puddles, we um, didn't) and there was no way we were staying for the meditation. Instead, we went and ate huge breakfasts and got really tired and went home and watched movies and ate Thai food at our respective houses. And it was glorious.

But no tattoos achieved. It wasn't right, neither one of us was feeling it like a tattoo-getter should. All good there though, we had a fun and weird day.

SO, upcoming, June 8th, mom's death day. It's my new New Years, it's the way I measure my life  now because it's so clear where I was that specific day both mentally and physically, I use it as a yardstick now.

And it's a big day for me, some years it's been sad, yesterday it was empowering.

Yesterday I got my mom's Buddha hand tattooed on my body. Oh and I battled "I'm too old," I battled "But you're not really a Buddhist," I battled "THIS IS PERMANENT YOUNG (old) LADY, nice girls don't get tattoos that all the world can see! (I have 3 other tattoos and all of them are relatively hidden, this is my first "out there" tat).

But alas, I did it. At 12:15 on a random (not to me) Wednesday, I GOT ME TAT!

OMG! omg.

I can't believe I did it and I kind of freaking love it.

1 comment:

Kate Wade said...

Hixx! I'm so glad I discovered you're blogging here again! I love your writing so much. <3