Wednesday, February 19, 2014

On Relaxing My Crack

Popular improv advice, relax your crack.

I'm getting pretty good at relaxing my crack when it comes to my work. When it comes to the future and money and my life? My crack is tight! But when it comes to tours, etc., I'm pretty relaxed. It's partly why I love it because it generally brings me joy and confidence and doesn't make me feel weird or rushed.

My juggernaut, this creative work I'm doing here - it's really interesting. I find myself, not struggling with it, it's not that negative, but I sense these thoughts, it's like meditation, I sense all these hindrances (in Buddhism the five hindrances are: sensory desire, ill-will, sloth, restlessness and of course, doubt) and I really sense them when I sit down to work.

Even though I enjoy the work, I find at different points during it I battle almost each one of those, doubt oh my god - why am I doing this? Who cares? I'm no good at this. This is dumb. Waste of time.  Restlessness for sure, just now, the thing that led me to this blog post was finding myself hurrying the work. Almost mad at myself for not going faster. Faster for who? For what? Ridiculous. What am I rushing? Where am I trying to get to exactly? Sloth??? My god, I'm the master at sloth. Why look at my juggernaut instead of that shiny facebook page? Sensory desire is crazy, if I listen to Let It Go one more time...

And I push through it and recognize those demons for what they are and giggle at them and let them float away and let the next one arise and keep on keeping on with the work.

It's fun to see them in all their glory.

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