Saturday, May 04, 2013

Putting on a show

One big Buddhist lesson is - the more opinions you have, the more you believe in "right" and "wrong" and how you are and who you are - the harder it's going to be for you. Because the more opinionated you are, the more angry you are going to become when those opinions are challenged.

The whole thing is about discovering who you are and why you believe the things you believe. Most of the time, they're just made up stories about ourselves that aren't true in anyway, but...we believe them anyway.

So I've been working at it. I've been meditating, about 20 minutes a day and mostly every day.

One thing I've really noticed by being aware of my thoughts, one really big thing I do that makes me laugh and also makes me horrified:

I put on little acts for members of the American public I don't even know.


I think we may all do this to some degree, if you trip you look back like something was really in the way, or try and make it look like you meant to do that.  Or if you find you're going the wrong way down a street, maybe you make a big blatant move to make it seem like you just forgot your keys or something....right?

I do this on a really grand scale. I'll act out all kinds of things for you, just because I happen to be sitting across from you on the bus. If I think I should be looking at you for whatever reason, I won't. If I don't think I should be looking at you, I'll go through all kinds of rigamarole to pretend I'm not.  I will change my actions so you don't think I'm racist/smart/stupid/pretty/ugly/too confident/not confident enough/obnoxious/cute/sexist/sexy

I spend a lot of time putting on my "out in public" acts. Hell,sometimes I'll do it when no one is even around.

This is all for people I don't know and will never see again.

Unreal right?

I think it's amazing. I think it's amazing I've been doing this forever and am/was aware of it, but not like I am now.

All the things I think, all the opinions I have are to be questioned. All actions, all thoughts, all feelings - because I think 90% of the time they're just not real.

Now, does anyone love Oklahoma! the musical? I need to know. 

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