Motumbo

This Motumbo commercial makes me so happy. 

I'm still fighting "parent-me."

That's what I'm calling it now, I'm not sure, since I lost both of my parents, I think maybe some part of me stepped in to make sure nothing really CRAZY happens. Because man, I've been parenting myself big time. It sucks. I hate it.

Still working through that. 43 and I'm still realizing that every little fucking thing is up to me. In the best way I mean this,  EVERYTHING IS ALL UP TO ME. I'm the center of my world, so everything IN THE WORLD is up to me. I think only one tiny sliver of my brain understands this and everytime a crack shows through with the knowledge THAT IT'S ALL UP TO ME, I think my brain gets excited and worried and starts putting rules on everything. Making me crazy. Arbitrary rules about all kinds of things.

I'm reading like a maniac, one thing I love about deciding to write a book - every single piece of advice about writing a book is first thing: READ BOOKS. Stephen King said "if you don't have time to read, you don't have time to write." So, how great is that?

And then I SWEAR TO GOD, I read for awhile and start thinking about how I need to "work" again. At the end of certain days I think about how much "work" I've done. Somehow reading doesn't fall into that definition.

Here's the jig - when you get to the point where I'm at here, it's all work and none of it is work. Parent-me says "if you're reading, you're not working - you're reading. You should be WORKING ON SOMETHING, you lazy pooper."

But it is. It is working. So is giving tours. So is walking around working on the new tour. So is meeting Sabrina for coffee and a writing date. So is walking around with John taking photos.

The line between work and creativity and rest is all getting blurry and that is just so great and if Parent-me would just let it go and stop worrying about how much I'm "working."

Guh.

jfalk;jieworpuaoewancdskla;rheiowarruo!!

Hi you guys!