This is a big week. I have a lot going on this week. A lot of things this week that scare me and that I am bulldozing.
I passed my fucking tour guide certification test!
Thank god. Seriously.
Now keep in mind, this is a totally local thing - it really doesn't mean much - even the CTPA (the tour guide association) will tell you that. What it can do is help get me more work because if a job order comes into the CTPA, they'll ask the certified guides if they want it first. But, really, I can't do much of that anyway and this is really to certify me for BUS TOURS and we all know how I feel about that, but you know that doesn't matter right?
What mattered is that I entered myself into this and I had to see it through and I wanted to see it through. For tour guides, there's not that much to test yourself. So, it was fun to test myself and care and be afraid and nervous for things and then KICK THEIR ASSES.
Funny though, I met some great people, became better friends with some other guides after we'd go practice for the test. It was really nice and each part of the 3 part test made me really nervous. And each time, I licked it. Not literally...
Tonight I'm going (I'm actually sick with a cold so I'm hopefully going but it's not even 10AM, we'll see how I feel by 6 tonight) to my first Buddhist meeting. This is real big. I have a huge block about this, a large amount of fear connected to it for many many reasons and ... well, tonight's my night. And if I'm sick and it isn't (hard to meditate when you can't breathe eh?) then it's coming up real soon. I'm ready to do that scary thing.
And...I'm going to write a book. A novel.
I can't remember whose book, maybe Stephen Pressfields "War on Art" where he says that we all basically know exactly what we're supposed to do. It's been whispering to you your whole life and it's very Wizard of Oz and we all have the answer and always have and stop not doing what you're supposed to do.
And my whole life - and I've ignored it a lot - my whisper has been "you're a writer."
I'm a writer.
Time to write.
Fear can bite me.
I passed my fucking tour guide certification test!
Thank god. Seriously.
Now keep in mind, this is a totally local thing - it really doesn't mean much - even the CTPA (the tour guide association) will tell you that. What it can do is help get me more work because if a job order comes into the CTPA, they'll ask the certified guides if they want it first. But, really, I can't do much of that anyway and this is really to certify me for BUS TOURS and we all know how I feel about that, but you know that doesn't matter right?
What mattered is that I entered myself into this and I had to see it through and I wanted to see it through. For tour guides, there's not that much to test yourself. So, it was fun to test myself and care and be afraid and nervous for things and then KICK THEIR ASSES.
Funny though, I met some great people, became better friends with some other guides after we'd go practice for the test. It was really nice and each part of the 3 part test made me really nervous. And each time, I licked it. Not literally...
Tonight I'm going (I'm actually sick with a cold so I'm hopefully going but it's not even 10AM, we'll see how I feel by 6 tonight) to my first Buddhist meeting. This is real big. I have a huge block about this, a large amount of fear connected to it for many many reasons and ... well, tonight's my night. And if I'm sick and it isn't (hard to meditate when you can't breathe eh?) then it's coming up real soon. I'm ready to do that scary thing.
And...I'm going to write a book. A novel.
I can't remember whose book, maybe Stephen Pressfields "War on Art" where he says that we all basically know exactly what we're supposed to do. It's been whispering to you your whole life and it's very Wizard of Oz and we all have the answer and always have and stop not doing what you're supposed to do.
And my whole life - and I've ignored it a lot - my whisper has been "you're a writer."
I'm a writer.
Time to write.
Fear can bite me.
2 comments:
Hurray!! (all of it)
I knew you'd pass! Good for you. YOU'RE DOING IT!
Celebratory pizza.
GROUPON PIZZA.
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