Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Hey everyone!

It's almost Thanksgiving!

Man, what a year. I'll be so glad to have this year done. I tell you what. It's been a lot of ups and downs, mostly downs - well, not downs - but um....challenging times. How's that for spin?

Our first Thanksgiving without my mom. That's weird and also really not. There are times I go DAYS without thinking about mom and then BOOM, I get in some horrible mood or I get sad or scared and this isn't going to come out right, but usually mom is sneaking around in the back of my brain.

I wake up some mornings with her face right before she died. Or at 5AM I'll think about the time she fell, or almost fell out of her chair at the theater...or so many things. I try to remember the "good times" and all that. Stupid, usually doesn't work.

But she's been around a lot the past few days. We've gotten some of our inheritance money and that not only takes a load off but it puts a load right back on if you ask me. Having money is a lot of responsibility and I'm absolutely tied up in knots about it.

And then there are days when I'm just so pleased, where I realize my Buddhist teachings of not being able to control anything and my desperate need, especially as of late, to CONTROL everything. Everything. I will seriously think "if I could just control everything, I'd be happy."

Whew. That ain't gonna work.

And with John and my business and all of the things that are up in the air, the more I let go of all of it, the easier it will be.

*But if you let go control of everything then how the HELL AM I GOING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING?*

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!



Kate said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Hixx! Hope it's a great one. :)

Hixx said...

Thank you Kate!