Tuesday, June 05, 2012


I realize that this deathful writing is probably not that much fun to keep coming back to read, especially on days as beautiful as these, however, I realized so much of this blog is for me, it's a vanity project, let's be honest and I'm going to want to remember these days at some point. Right?

Yesterday when I went to see mom things were decidedly different, not nearly so much mumbling, her little eyes half closed most of the time, she was definitely less there. We talked with our hospice people for really the first time and I think me and my brothers all see a career change.

Hospice is something.

I'm so thankful, all I can hope for myself is that I have one of those people taking care of me.

They're tough, they explained to us what was happening physically with mom and all the drugs they have to take care of various problems of the dying. Everything is at her disposal, anything is at her disposal.

Our hospice nurse said mom had definitely entered a new stage and she didn't see beyond 48 hours. That was about 24 hours ago. How strangely I hold on to time.

And we can see it, she's just a small little lady inside of a starving little body.

We saw her first thing this morning and we got a "hello babies." which is plenty for me.

And I struggle with work, I've cancelled most tours for the next couple of days. Feels weird, like someone is going to be mad at me for cancelling tours, all those people that weren't signed up anyway...

Guess who I look like?


Mental P Mama said...

Sending you light. Love that picture...

Erica said...

What a beautiful photo. Thank you for sharing it.

I am thinking about you and sending you and your brothers so much love. I am thankful that you are writing about everything, because it helps me feel connected to you and also, yes, you will be glad that you wrote about it later on. Each year, I read through my blog journals about my dad, and it helps me to remember.

Gosh, those hospice workers, right? Amazing angels. And that packet they give you about what to expect in the final days--I'll be damned if it isn't accurate every step of the way.

Death is sad, tragic and devastating, but also beautiful and amazing. I know your mother is happy that she is surrounded by so much love to help her in her transition.

I love you.

Melisa Wells said...

Gorgeous photo. What a treasure.

I am wishing your mom, you, and your brothers much peace in these final hours together, Margaret. Big X's and O's to you.

Mark Henderson said...

Be brave and strong. Peace will be with you, your mother and your family soon. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Hixx said...

Thank you everyone for even reading this mess. You are all kind and it's nice to hear nice words. Truly.