Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Not even minimalist I don't think.

I've been working on shrinking lately. Ha.

Not in a bad way, but in like...I dunno, an earth way.

I want less. I want to want less. I want to eat less. I want to talk less. I want to *think*...less.

My lizard brain has been attacking lately. Filling my brain with FEAR oh my gosh. The most ridiculous fears I have ever feared. Dog attacks and tripping and falling and breaking my ankle, money money money, shit, I'm fearful of rain goddamnit. And then when my lizard brain isn't thinking about all the things I'm afraid of, it starts thinking of all the people that are bothered by me, or angry with me.


Oh my god. I'm endless.

SO! I've been feeling better lately, more motivated, I can see things so clearly at 7:30 in the morning and by 3:00 it all gets a little muddled.

But I see it. I think I might be getting my awesome back, it's been gone a long time. My true awesome hasn't been around for about 6 months I'm guessing.

The battle between lizard and awesome is a big battle. It's not over in a night. I am now fighting this fight with a little bit of awareness, I'm at least not mired in my lizard brain. I'm coming out, I kind of have a sword and I'm sort of hitting the lizard brain on the head with it.

But I'm getting stronger, my sword is growing (ew, sex reference) and that lizard has a scared look in his eye.

Stupid lizard.


Melisa Wells said...

Ugh, once you said "my sword is growing" I had to go back and read the post again because it stunned me for a minute. Gross. haha

Hixx said...

This is what I am for Melisa! The more I stun, the better the post.

Do you want to see my growing sword of awesome?