Monday, March 05, 2012


I wonder how many of my blog posts have that title. I bet a lot.

So, mom.


It's fine.


Mom keeps sinking downward, discussions are being had, thoughts are being voiced. My oldest brother came into town and that was really helpful. He's a doctor, he's logical about things and is so nice when we ask dumb questions. I'm thankful we have that on our side rather than trying to figure out the "speak" otherwise and I think other doctors talk to him more...openly or something?

Anyhoo, mom's in some pain, she has a bedsore and I think her muscles just spasm. It's not fun. They're upping her meds and she's so worried about my moaning in the other room. So yeah, it's hard.

But what's so great is we all just keep laughing and trying to make mom laugh. We talk about the dumbest things and we're so funny. I think we're so funny.

So we're in mom's room on Sunday, mom's in and out, who knows if it's drugs or lack of food or god knows what, but she's snoozing and we're talking about fairies somehow and mom kind of mumbles "fairies at the bottom of our garden" and we're kind of doing bits and mom keeps saying it and we're all "mom what's up" and she's all "Bea, fairies at the bottom of our garden, you know Bea, that lady" and we're all "Beatrix Potter?" and she's all "no, no, no" so we look it up and find this:

Mom's definitely still in there. It's kind of sweet.

Also, a friend of ours is having a life and death situation in their lives and it all just feels so serious right now. Makes me nervous, just that energy in general.

But this is it baby, this is life and death and birth and that's what being human is and if I'm struggling with feeling something or not feeling something, generally I'm just trying to go with compassion and leave it at that.

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