The truth of the matter

I love coming to this blog to write. I really do. I just want you all to know that. I like keeping this quiet, on the DL, not that I don't want the general public to see or whatever, when I'm famous everyone will come back to this blog - it's just a nice place I can come and relax and get some shit out, if you know what I mean.

So here's the sitch, due to some mismanagement on our part,and uncontrollable forces, our India trip will be done with considerably less money than we thought.

We even thought for a bit about not going.

Sigh.

But we're going, because truly my big fear is the movie Up. They save and save and they're happy sure, but they save and save to travel and they never end up going anywhere because something always comes up that takes their travel money away. And my husband's face, when I suggested that maybe we not go, well...I can't take that face.

I've been thinking a lot about abundance lately. Even though John is making so much money, it still never seems to be enough. How can that be? How can he make 3 times what we both made last year and still we don't have enough money? I think a lot of this are my big dreams, the things I want to do - Burningman, India, everything...

But I can't knock myself for wanting the most out of this life that I can, but why oh why do I worry about money the way I did when we weren't making any?

This is something off in my head, no doubt. We are the luckiest people in the world. My goodness. How lucky am I that I even have a decision to make about India? We could go and have to budget a lot and not stay in beautiful hotels, or...we could stay home and be a little flush for the next couple of months.

Well that's a first world problem if there ever was one.

So I'm practicing, practicing seeing just how much we do have. Just how much we don't need. And knowing that I can get everything I need AND want, I just have to see the world from some kind of objective place, instead of always worrying and complaining that it's not enough.

I like my drive, I like my want for more of what I want, I like that it's not enough - these are the things that drive me, but I also have to see that I do have what I need, that there is always more of what I need, that I deserve what I have and what I want and that my life is overflowing with goodness - friends, a wonderful husband, creative outlets out the wingwang, a beautiful city...

Abundance. I haz it.