Thursday, October 22, 2009

Back to it

Here we are, back from the wedding, back from vacation, back from flat, swampy Florida, back to it.

It's great to be home, back working again. My mind wants to focus on the work it needs to do and for once, I'm welcoming the rain and cold weather and quiet. It's perfect weather for me to sit here and do what I need to do. I am still really feeling my awesomeness and working on cutting out things that are not awesome.

Now it's about cutting out personal myths of my ineptitude.

I hate having my picture taken, always have. This weekend in Florida I worked really hard on not being like that. Awesome people don't mind having their picture taken for godsakes. It's such an easy way to brand myself a failure. This weekend I worked on smiling honestly, being confident, making sure my face was at an angle that warranted a cute picture. Sometimes not being a spaz just takes a little bit of attention. It might seem small, but we practically ran away from our wedding photographer...there are a bajillion stupid pictures of me purposely acting like an there are some really cute pictures of me, purposely acting like a grown human being.

We were driving with a friend, she was in the driver's seat and we were headed to the wedding. She warned us as we got in the car what a terrible driver she is, she apologized before we ever even started moving. As we were going along in a state none of us were familiar with, following directions to a place none of us had been to, this friend did a great job of driving...she kept her head together, wasn't freaked out by us yelling directions and she got us there safe and sound with nothing in our way. I told her when we got there "you did a great job, you're a good driver, truly, stop telling yourself you're not." I'm not sure she heard me, but I know how it goes.

Some of the bride's friends are very fancy ladies. They dress well and fashionably, they put on makeup correctly, they wear great high-heeled shoes and have fantastic manicures, they wear clothes that match their eyes and hair and look like beautiful angels sometimes. I'm not one of those types of's not that I can't be, it's just I put my attention to other things. But when I first met these women they scared me, I felt inadequate, I felt frumpy and silly trying to put on old mascara and mismatched purses. But this past weekend I just enjoyed their company and was truly impressed (not envious) of the way they could put themselvs together. After the wedding one of these new fabulous friends came up to me and told me how impressed she was with me, what a natural beauty I was, how she wished she could do what I do, how hard she has to work on her look...


Grass is greener folks.

What I'm learning is that there isn't anything I can't do...honestly. It's just what I make my priorities. It's not that I can't walk in high heels, it's that I've never taken the time and attention to do it. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I've never practiced. It's not that I can't go out and make 100K, it's not my priority.

Personal myths people, they're deadly and they shall be abolished.


Crescent said...

That's so funny because I have always considered your solid and real nature something I aspire to. I would never guess that you worried about heels and what not. That's what makes you you and why the people that love you love you. You know what's important and live there.

Hixx said...

Thank you Crescent! Normally I would say that's the truth, I'm pretty solidly who I am, but every once in awhile I freak out and think I should be wearing lots of makeup!

Crescent said...

Well that's just because you are a homo---sapian. We all have those days but if you look at the majority of your days I'd say you are one tough and grounded cookie.

Hixx said...

And right back atcha my friend.