I'm not going to lie, it was a pretty shitty weekend, mostly due to me getting lost in my own head, as is usually the case.
The money struggle continues and it just feels like no end in sight, or at least, that's how it felt. I've spent the past week making sure I stay inside and unsociable because everytime I put myself into the public's (or my friends) way I said something stupid or did something stupid. You know how when you feel badly you act badly? It was like that. And I just needed some...OOP time, Sabrina and I came up with that code (out of public) many years ago. I felt the strong desire to sit on the couch and watch movies and not really talk to anyone, so that's what I did, and I'm cool with that. It's not in my nature to want to hide away (especially in springtime) so I let myself. But then it just kind of went to far and my monkey brain took over.
But then as always happens, something nice happened. I gave a really fun tour on Sunday for a bunch of the Chicagoist people. I will reiterate that they really are the greatest group of people. It's like a sorority, once you're in, you're in for life, even if you're not writing for them anymore. And everyone was just so gracious and fun and witty.
I was sitting here on the couch before I went downtown for the tour and I turned to John and I said "There is so much I do not want to do today. I don't want to go to work today, I wouldn't want to go to a rehearsal, I wouldn't want to do much of anything, but I really am looking forward to going and giving this tour." That means something on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
And today my co-worker said this to me: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
I cried a little when he said that to me, it really just struck a chord in my dischordant life.
So, I'm thinking of taking a risk, if you catch my drift....
I'll let you know what happens.