Thursday, November 06, 2008

ISHT - New Day edition

Ugh, this morning I got up to go run and do my new Playground workout and found that my stomach and arms still hurt from doing it last week! I'm such a wimp.

So, still up there in the weight, I lose maybe a pound or two every thousand weeks. But right now my exercising has nothing to do with me losing weight and everything to do with me trying to get out a lot of this negative energy. I'm trying now to do the things that make me feel better, exercising in the morning, even if its just a little bit to get my heart rate going and I've taken to meditating again. Which is really nice. You know right now my little brain goes a million miles an hour with all the things I should be doing, want to do, don't want to do, its kind of a relief to sit quietly for 10-20 minutes and purposely not think about all those things. Ugh.

Today I'm sitting in the library, I decided I needed a change of atmosphere. Although I think I would love working from home eventually, I think trying to find jobs and do things I don't necessarily want to do is harder to do from my couch. So the cold library is offering me some more structure. And since when does Hixx not like sitting in a stack of books?

So, I keep going, keep shedding tears for Obama and then some for myself. And then the next day I feel great and the next day after that I feel awful. And John continues to be amazingly strong and supportive, I owe him that in return more than I'm giving it me thinks.

But we have a fun celebratory weekend coming up and lots of friends and stuff. I've been working on my novel this morning, its coming along quite nicely.

I wish Obama wanted to come over to watch Survivor Gabon with me tonight.


smussyolay said...

no excuses, but one of the reasons i don't really meditate is that i *can't* stop thinking about all that stuff.

which is the point, and why it's called a 'practice.' practice makes better.

i also had someone tell me that aside from just watching my thoughts, that all those thoughts were given to me by my HP ... if i think, "man, i really need to get a birthday card for so and so," then it's for my use. stop meditating and write that down. then continue on.

it's not bad to think about things when i'm trying to meditate. i just am such a dumb perfectionist, that it drives me crazy. it's one of those things i wish to add to my spiritual repertoire.

Hixx said...

Yeah, it is hard, I mean when a novice like myself sits down and "pretends" to meditate, it can be frustrating. But I find just the quiet is nice. And then I sometimes focus on the fascination of the things my brain goes to to think about, sometimes its really funny to see what my brain goes to.

Its hard though, I can only do it for a few minutes, but I know its good for me. Ugh.