Don’t ask me why but I’d give everything in my kingdom for a smoke right now. Oh my god. I usually don’t get hit with cravings like this. But I swear, if there was one in front of me right now I’d smoke the shit out of it.
I think its vacation, or warmer cold weather or something, but jesus, oh my god I want one. I’m working on ignoring it really. But lord.
Anyway, tonight is a special night in my family.
I’ve talked some about my mom. She’s a complicated woman with a complicated problem. Almost 3 years ago she had a stroke the night of a back surgery. She was paralyzed on her left side. Due to her pain and her general demeanor, mom never really had a chance to “get better.” She went to a fancy rehabilitation center and they couldn’t even move her because of the pain from her back and general stroke pain. So mom basically had almost no physical therapy. After her back got better, I think my anyway depressed mother chose not to help herself and chose to basically lie in bed for the rest of her life.
My mom’s brain is pretty right on, current things confuse her, what day it is, what happened on Lost (she still is very confused by what happened 2 years ago on Lost, as we all are), what time it is, etc. But she is hilarious, she can speak and communicate perfectly, her long-term memory is spot on, basically, besides some strange slowness, her brain is great.
Mom was never a very happy person, always plagued with depression and a life that was…not difficult…but not very much fun. She made choices that always left her last, as many moms do, and they bit her in the end. She told me not too long ago she knows the exact moment when she decided life was hard and that she would be unhappy. A day when I had not been born yet, my brothers were running around, little boys, screaming their heads off and she thought “That’s it, from here on in, its all going to be really hard and difficult”. And guess what self fulfilling prophecy? It was.
But my mother is also so freaking hilarious, she has a dirty, quick, witty, mind that to this day can leave me with my mouth hanging open at how instantaneous she is. She taught her children that beauty and art were most important, not money. She taught her daughter to be who she is, to be funny and smart, and some day the right man will love her. She taught her sons to be kind, generous and intelligent men, who would love a woman who is funny and smart.
So anyway, about 6 months or so ago we got her some music therapy. These nice women come in and they sit with mom and they get creative together and it’s been great. Well what they started doing was writing a show, a musical with mom, about Tarzan. They’ve been working on it for months, writing and writing and playing music.
Tonight at 6:30 at Westminster Place where my mom resides, they will be performing Tarzan for mom’s family, friends and the residents of Westminster.
It’s really exciting; Mom swears it’s just awful. And maybe it is, who cares? WHO CARES? I think it’s amazing, I think she is the bravest woman in the world, I am so impressed with her and so proud of her and so nervous for her and so excited for her I can barely contain myself.
I have a beautiful bottle of champagne to bring her, beautiful flowers will be picked up on the way, we’ll have a reception afterwards and I hope above all things that mom can be proud of what she’s done. She should be. I wonder how many other people in mom’s nursing home wrote a musical? Hmmmm?
I’ll let you all know how it goes. Maybe we’ll even youtube the dang thing.
So Merry Christmas to everyone, I’ll be back blogging next Weds, so if you’re bored while you’re on vacation you can check in and see how mom did.
And don’t think for a second this blog post has made me forget I want a cigarette more than anything. Kay? Kay.