So here we are Tuesday afternoon, I should be working my ass off trying to get the book done, but I have hit a roadblock, one that I cannot pass by myself, I am totally dependent on another for this and its…well…its freaking me out. I have covered all my bases, done everything I’ve needed to do, I’ve worked my ass off, and now it all hangs on one very tenuous line and its scaring the hell out of me.
I’m not totally faultless here, this is my stupid project and any hang up is my hang up, I just can’t believe THIS is my hang up.
Grrrrr.
Seriously.
John has been telling me lately that I beat myself up to much, but very often I think I let myself off the hook too much and don’t have enough personal responsibility. This is one of those times. I should have made sure this didn’t happen, I should have seen sooner that it could, and I’m about to give too little too late and it could honestly screw everything up.
Arg.
I’m just very frustrated.
So yeah…boo.
But I’m trying to retain my biggest lesson I took away from Apes, and that lesson is: It is what it is.
I can’t go back in time and fix this problem, so no matter what, I’m going to have to try and fix it going forward right? This is what this is now, it’s not going to be what it was “supposed” to be, this is the way it is NOW. So concentrate on the now (this is probably what John means…) stop beating yourself up for what you cannot change, and fix it to the best of your ability now.
Grrr.
I’m so stupid.
Whoops. Sorry babe.
3 comments:
You're not stupid--you're completely smart and lovely! And I'm sure it's a lot worse than you think it is. That's usually the case.
OK, clearly I need to go home. What I meant was, it's probably not as bad as you think it is.
Good grief.
Kate that cracked me up, thank you for the laugh. That's awesome.
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