You know, my life has been very interesting these past few weeks.
I have not seen it (YET) but I feel The Secret creeping into my life in the best and weirdest ways. My mother called it “life rewards action”, and it has and does.
But things are happening, really good things. My mind is filled 24/7 (except this past Sunday when it was filled with Zelda and The Dog Whisperer) with ideas and things I want to do and places I want to go and people I want to be with.
But to some degree, and I guess this is all part of it, but it’s also filled with things I don’t want either. Things I don’t have time for, or don’t have time to dwell on.
What it comes down to I guess is this:
I have a friend I’m having a problem with.
We’re fighting. And a long time ago I posted about a different friend I had to break up with. He was…emotional and dramatic, it was all or nothing with this guy and I just had to let him go. It was weird, and it’s always strange to forcibly remove a friend from your life. It’s like…throwing away money on the street. Why throw away something you’ll never have enough of?But I never regret that decision. And this one…it’s not quite so serious. It’s just a conflict, a crossing of swords that we can’t get over. And what it comes down to is – I’m tired of defending myself. I’m tired of defending my opinions and my thoughts. I also wrote long ago that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who tell you don’t feel or think what you feel or think. And this friend does that. It is not possible to tell me what I’m feeling is not what I’m feeling. You can tell me maybe why I shouldn’t feel that way (but at least accepting that I do feel that way), or to look at it a different way, but you can’t tell me I never felt that in the first place.
It really drives me nuts. I think it’s very male to female too. I really do. I usually see men doing this to women and maybe that’s what makes me even more sensitive to it.
I feel what I feel what I feel, if you don’t feel it, why that’s fine. That’s what friends are for. But do not, under any circumstance, tell me I don’t feel that way. So..yeah…we’ll be friends still, me and my opinionated friend, but we won’t be close friends, because I can’t be. I refuse to spend my friendship arguing about what I know I already think. It’s just weird, there’s a little grieving process going on. I doubt myself, wondering if I’m really just too emotional and crazy, but then I remember, I may be –- but I feel what I feel, and you can’t tell me any different.
2 comments:
i'm sure it was a therapist that helped me see it, but i remember the strength and freedom from finally realizing that NO ONE could tell me what my feelings were or that they were wrong.
they might even be irrational, and they might stem from interpreting a situation wrong (these situations often had to do with boyfriend situations melting down and breaking up and all of those sorts of things), but if i said that my feelings were hurt, then they were. period. you can say you didn't mean to hurt them, and we can talk about it, but you can't say i don't have hurt feelings, or i shouldn't have them.
they're my feelings, and they are what they are.
yeah, i think men do that to women a lot, and i think before women realize that their feelings are feelings and don't have to be justified, we feel guilty about them and are confused when someone challenges the actual feeling itself. and that contributes to me, at least, feeling like i'm crazy. but i DO feel this way, how can this person tell me that i don't?
so, i'm behind you. sad to have to feel like you're losing a friend, but it's good to gain a boundary when that's necessary.
Thanks Smuss!
It's a really strange thing isn't it? And you're exactly right!
I'm not saying I'm "right" or the feelings that I have should not be different, but they are what I feel.
So I try to talk myself down from "too emotional" or my favorite one I use on myself "too sensitive".
Maybe I am both of those things? But I still feel the way I feel.
We'll see what happens with said friend.
And i don't mean to diss on dudes, but never once on my life have I had a woman tell me "no, you don't feel that". Not once.
YAY DUDES AND WOMEN!
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