America This Is You

Okay, so everyone watches America’s Funniest Home Videos right? I mean, if you don’t, there’s something kind of whacked about you I think. It is the simplest, cleanest, easiest method of obtaining entertainment in this day and age, and with the addition of a Tivo, the show actually lasts only 15 minutes. That unto itself makes one feel better, skipping past poor Bob Saget selling himself out for the worst jokes in humankind.

Certainly the pet and falling ones are the best. My mother says to this day there is nothing funnier than someone falling down, and most of the time, I have to agree. The exceptions are of course; when it’s me. Or my mom who once knocked out her two front teeth on the front walk. She called me weeping, so embarrassed and feeling stupid, I told her we would go rent some movies: Legends of the Fall and Falling Down. Hee.

But the other exception to the falling down rule, or to AFHV videos in general, is something horrible happening to the nerd, or the ice-skater, or the fat lady.

Someone with something to lose.

Most of the time I find the videos to be hilarious, but when one watches a chunky adolescent girl lose her pants, or a nerdy high school boy trip in front of his class, or a young girl throwing up in her school play, some of these are not funny, but horrifying.

Think of the old man who falls without his cane, or the child who falls on his head off the trampoline. It amazes me each time that children don’t die more often, watching them fall and having their necks bent in an unnatural manner by tree limbs

I think anyone who is in any kind of “professional” show, ice skaters or gymnasts, watching them fall and fail is awful. Or the rare jockey whose horse goes crazy and drags some poor, unsuspecting small person halfway around a track.

But watching 20 women reach for a bridal bouquet and fall is okay.

Or a bride fainting, or a groom. Or a child falling head-first into his birthday cake. Or a talking dog.

All funny.

Now that we have our new Comcast cable, we get the new versions of AFHV. Seems like the new host is a lot more comfortable with horrible jokes than poor Bob.

And you know what? I’m not even going to begin to discuss where in the hell they get the audience they have. There is no audience quite as up to fake laughing as the AFHV audience. The AFHV audience scares me, I think there’s something wrong with them.