Huh, Maybe A Salad Might Help?

You know that show “What Not to Wear”?

They should hire me.

Because the answer to the question of “what not to wear” is … everything I have on today.

My top is a mint green, ribbed, mock-neck, sleeveless shirt. Fine, right?

Wrong.

Ribbed shirts and big fun-bags don’t go together. Something about the ribbed accentuates the roundness and I look like the rolling hills of Scotland. Plus the shirt is just a tad too short, and on a no torso-ed person like me, it just goes from boob to waist.

Which brings me to my waist: my black pants are too tight, so my mid-tire sticks out just below my belt. My zipper keeps coming about halfway down, and won’t stay up, even with the extra press. There are pockets with flaps on my backside, and the flaps won’t stay down, they just stick straight up.

My undergarments are creating hungry butt, and with the too tight pants, the view is pretty revealing of where everything lies, which is all over the place.

Thank God for my office sweater, one of those long ones that will cover my hungry butt and can wrap in front of my valley-creating lady lugs. I’m an old lady just for having an office sweater, but I swear, it gets cold in here.

I am a nightmare; I can’t wait to change my clothes tonight after work.

Ack. I think my office sweater needs a cleaning.