Happy New Year

Yup, here it is, December 31.

I feel wound up, anxious, put upon, yet hopeful and proud of myself. This year has been the most "eventful" year of my life. And many things out of my control have whizzed around me, but I have held true and fast, and most of all, I have bettered myself. And have kept my head when all about me are losing theirs. I have miles to go, tiill I'm the woman I want to be, but this year has shown me that little steps mean much, that big steps mean more and that every step is its own journey. And that I am walking the path as best as I can. So...lets do a quick recap, and make my wishes for 2006. Year of the Hixx.

In some order of importance:

1. Mom's stroke. I've spoken enough about this sad day in the past. No reason to linger on it today. Suffice it to say that nothing has rocked my world more than this has, and my closeness with my brothers and with my mom has shown me what is truly important in their lives and my own. It has shown me what I can handle and what I cannot, and of course, what I can control and what I cannot.

2. Becoming a docent at the Architecture Foundation. I started this the first week in January of last year. I still get excited when I think how excited I was then. I am a person who comes up with great ideas and never finishes anything. This has taken me all year, the stroke coming 1 week before my final. I aced my final. I did all my tours. I learned so much and taught things to others. Things that are important to me. I finished this, with flying colors and I am so proud of me and my city that inspired me beyond all other things.

3. Moving in with John. I'm not saying it was easy or that it IS easy. It isn't. Its hard and its wonderful. But the fact that it happened is amazing to me. The changes and realizations that its brought in me are way too hard to fathom on a cloudy Decemeber day, but there are many self actualizations I've come to. Many things I've seen in myself and in him. The learning experience is huge, so huge I almost cant describe them. So lets move on to...

4. Losing 15 pounds. I've lost 15 pounds since last January. For someone who loves cheeseburgers, chocolate and couches as much as I do, this is also huge. And I didn't just lose it and gain it back, I've lost it for the whole year. I'm getting slightly buff and strong and can definitely use the cliche "i'm in better shape than I have ever been". Again, for someone who starts and doesn't finish, my commitment to the gym and my body has been astounding.

5. Smoking. I've put this a little later because although it is probably the most important thing I can do for myself, I'm still cheating. But I am NOT SMOKING like I used to and never will again. I still have my moments where I love that stick more than anything, but I am beating this particular addiction and feel so much better, smell better, look better and I am proud once again. But in 2006, I plan to be prouder and cut the dang things out completely.

6. Got a new job. With all the things swirling around, all the work I've had to do on so many things, I somehow acquired my dream job that I didn't even know was my dream job. I left a nowhere job and found one with a future. I worked my butt off, taking 3 months of hard core interviewing, revising resumes, going to recruiters, being turned down again and again, yet still, I did it. And although I consider myself lucky, I also know I deserve it. So again, kudos to me!

7. The Dentist. Aw, now come on, going to the dentist is not such a major event. But it is for me and represents way more than a man with a drill. My dentist appointment yesterday was the first optional dentist appointment I've ever made. It represents me taking care of myself. Of growing up. Of spending my new found bounty on what it should be spent on. And although I will have to go a million more times due to me waiting so long, and pain galore, I feel great that I went and look forward to the other things I will do for myself this year.

Those are the big ones folks, so many other things have happened, but those are huge. And looking forward to 2006, I'm more fascinated than excited. What more can happen, what other ways will I change? What huge things will run toward me both bad and good? And my plans, my resolutions, what are they? I have a few, and they are vague indeed.

Continue to trust myself.
Quit smoking entirely
Continue to take care of myself.
Stretch myself creatively.

And realize most of all, spiritually, that what ever is thrown at me is life. That I am strong, that I am resonsible, I am able. I can move,, I can think, I can walk, I can sing, I can change my life for the better. Maybe 2006 is about realizing I can change others lives for the better. That I have something to contribute outside of myself.

So here's to my friends and my family. Happy New Year.