Frankly my dear...

Okay, it’s all finally getting to me.

Arrested friends and a mother with a stroke, a patient boyfriend, twelve 20 year old sales people, worried friends and a community of docents and patrons…what do these things have in common?

They all want something from me.

I wanted to write about the tour I gave yesterday (will write about it tomorrow) but feel like today’s theme is way more about me, and the lack of me, which means even more attention to me.

I don’t very often feel like I need to give too much to other people. I usually actually feel guilty that I don’t give enough because I’m selfish and egotistical. And I am those things, and that’s okay with me. I’m used to handling most things myself and assume other people have the same ability. I’m usually okay hiding from friends or relatives, knowing that that is just partly who I am.

But in one day, when you get pressure from each side, that everyone wants something, everyone needs something, everyone deserves something and makes me want to throw up my hands and tell them all that they get nothing. No matter what they’ve given to me in the past, my instinct today is tell them they get nothing.

But you know what? I can’t. I can’t tell them that. Because you can’t tell your boyfriend, your mother, your best friend, your employer that you’re not willing to give them anything today. That today you’re ditching them and all they have done for you.

The only option I can think of is to just give it to them. Give them all what they want, even if it’s not real, at least put the game face on. Pretend, then maybe tomorrow they’ll forget and not ask anymore.
Maybe tomorrow you can go buy God of War and hide in your room for 12 hours and not speak and not think and eat chocolate cake.

Maybe tomorrow.