Oh consumerism, you nasty little bird you.
As money starts coming into our house and bills are finally getting paid and life returns to normalcy (really, above normalcy, life is returning to excellent really), John and I both find ourselves struggling in our relationship with money.
Of course we swore once the money started coming in that things were going to be different this time around, that we weren't going to go to dinner as much, eat more at home, buy less "stuff," buy more "experiences."
And we are, my goodness, we're doing so much better. We certainly have splurged on some things - new shoes and new computers, but we're still spending more than we should probably. I wanted to give us some time to do things like that for ourselves, but now it's time to crack down again, save our money, pee in our debt's mouth, save for India...
The pull to buy things is so freaking strong. I have an inner monologue with myself almost constantly, I mean, I want to look nicer now that I'm giving tours - well I need new shoes. I need new tops. New earrings and necklaces. I'm out and I'm busy so I should just grab a burger here or buy a book there. We're both tired some night, we should just order out, or we have a free Friday night - dinner?
I fight with myself every day. My first thought on waking up this morning was "john just got paid, I'm going to get a manicure and pedicure" (we have a wedding this weekend, so I have to have nice toes." I also thought "oooh then I could stop at Presence and get something cute to wear for the rehearsal dinner...and maybe if I see a dress..."
ARGH! Stop it stop it STOP IT! I sat in my bathroom for a 1/2 hour this morning, pushing my cuticles, buffing my nails and giving myself my own damn pedicure and didn't go anywhere near Presence or the Einstein Bagels right next to it. But man, I really had to talk myself out of it and I'm damn glad I did, I just saved us somewhere around 100$ probably.
I have cute clothes and makeup. I have shoes and food.
I already have everything I need. And who is this manicure and pedicure and new clothes for? I have no idea. It's not really my thing, it's never been the thing that mattered to me, why now, when we have money in the bank do I suddenly care about these things?
Because I see what other people have and somehow feel like I'm lacking.
It angers me. I'm not lacking. My anger at "stuff" then becomes so palpable I couldn't buy anything if I wanted to.
No more stuff. No more.