ISHT!
145!
So I’ve been working on Waflen’s thoughts over here (it’s your week on chicagostories waflen) and not weighing myself every day. I haven’t weighed myself in a week until this morning! It was harder than one might think actually. It’s like this weird daily affirmation/addiction thing, but its not affirmation, sometimes it makes me feel really poopy to weigh myself.
I’m going to try and keep this up and only weigh myself on Thursdays. I think it will be quite freeing to not beat myself up on Monday mornings, anymore than I do now anyway.
And let’s just continue that discussion shall we? Of not beating myself up? Oh my, there are just so many reasons to beat oneself up….weight, personality, faults, problems, issues - oh my how easy it is to compare oneself to someone else, to see yourself through someone else’s meany eyes, to look in a mirror and see chunk instead of cute, to wait for compliments from others instead of just giving them to yourself, to be happy you’re out running instead of beating yourself up for not running “fast enough”, to enjoy a delicious cheeseburger instead of feeling massive amounts of guilt once you’ve already eaten it.
And why is it so hard to concentrate on the awesome things? Why oh why do the bad things seem so much easier to hold close? Just this very second I had a juxtaposition where I was feeling badly about one thing, angry in fact, and all of a sudden two people from two different worlds reached out to do something nice for me and the struggle to let the angry part dissolve is amazing.
God my head is a jumble, looking forward to a sunny, yet cooler run tonight.
One thing I know, and have always known, and will always try to keep at the top of my head and my heart, is that I’m okay no matter what. Oprah talks about this and I know she’s cheesy, but she talks about how she’s always known that she’s okay in the universe, that the universe is not the enemy and that she will always be okay.
I know this too, I’ve always known it, it is in direct contrast to how my mother feels and I think I made sure even when I was little I wouldn’t see the world as an enemy. I will try, coming into my 38th year, to accept that I am not the enemy either. I will try (there is no try dammit) I will pshaw my worries of what others think, I will accept my body and mind for being beautiful working entities, I will not rely on John or my family or my friends to validate my goodness and my beauty, I will work on sharing more with the world instead of hiding in a room in front of a box that makes pictures, I will exercise my body and mind that work whether I want them to or not.
38 is going to be the best year of all. I know it.
6 comments:
You are such a smart cookie. :)
Thanks, I feel so special this week! Ha ha. Glad you made progress on the no-weighing-in front, even though it was hard. Keep it up!!
is the number you are getting this year 38? i hate to be a nerd, but it means that you've finished your 38th year*, and that you're going into your 39th. so your 39th year is going to be the best ever.
i sound like my math friend, bob. what is becoming of me?
*for whatever reason, we have to earn those bitches. they don't give us the number until we're finished!
You are an inspiration. I think this is a great way to greet a new year!
On a sort of related note, I am reading the most amazing book right now--and it is the first book I've actually been able to read and focus on this year, and it is so inspiring. It is called "This is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep your Head Above Water when Life Keeps Dragging You Down." It is for women, and it is really helping the way I see things. I highly recommend it.
Chee!
You beautiful wonderful woman! I know you don't need my validation but you're getting it from me anyway. You are an inspiration darling....and also the Hixx makes me smile. xoxo
Amen. Love you and your awesomeness.
SMUSS! I knew it, as I was writing that I was thinking that exact thing. Funny.
You ladies are all awesome, I am only made awesome by being surrounded by awesome, that is how one rises to awesomeness.
Awesome.
Post a Comment