Oh man, it IS so I’m so hot Thursday!
So hot I’m not yo!
Okay, I cheated on 146 and am now back together with 145. I’m hoping to stay with 145, because I’m in love…or will be until something better comes along.
Hell, I better be at 145! I’ve been working my ass off, not intentionally necessarily, but just from the bike riding, it just adds so much to what I’m doing, so yeah…
The meat thing is still going, I’m definitely still eating it, I’m not going to lie, but I really have lessened it so much, I can still see a day where I don’t eat any, but for now, I just love my cheeseburgers and sometimes, it’s just so much easier for everyone if I eat some meat. So be it, I’m pleased with how things are going, with my love of cheese and dairy, I really needed to step down from the animal products, and I really have. I’ve also rediscovered my love of fruit and some veggies. I told John the other night that I could eat edamame like I would potato chips, they are SO GOOD. And corn…and strawberries and pineapple and edamame again….
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today is smoking.
It is almost my 8 month anniversary and MANNOMAN, I cannot believe how strong the urge remains. It’s stronger now than even two months ago.
The trigger of summer has just sent me into a tizzy. It’s really easy to enjoy not smoking when you’re watching everyone else stand outside in -20 weather; it’s not so easy when you see people drinking in beer gardens, smoking it up.
I don’t know what it is; I’m obviously in love with my exercise and new healthy body and no guilt and prettier skin and hair and the added affection of a fiancé who hates the smell.
BUT MY GOD do I want one, I want one more than I have ever wanted one. It’s truly bizarre how it can strike me…and now stay with me, it’s been about a month since I’ve really noticed it.
And I’m cool, I’m not going to have one, I promise, but am fascinated with the addiction and its hold on my brain and I can feel the want in my body, I swear I can feel it.
I just want it to go away, I’ve been living my life in a state of not wanting what I don’t want, and it’s been working out really well for me. I don’t want to want one anymore. I don’t want to consider smokers “lucky”, I don’t want to suck in other people’s smoke because I think it smells so delicious, I don’t want to fill my already filled up brain with wishes of something that will kill me, I don’t want to be envious of people because they “get” to smoke.
I don’t want my mind to think like this ANYMORE. BE GONE SMOKING THOUGHTS! BE. GONE!
2 comments:
I noticed your Twitter convo about summer TV--do you watch Swingtown? Cuz you should. It's awesome.
you're talking about it, which is huge. hang in there, g! while i had my desire sort of sucked away, there have been times recently that it's smelled really good. you're not alone.
another thing to consider is all the cash you'd blow if you started again. those mofos are SPENDY!
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