ISHT Thursday!
146. Dating again. We broke up, we cried, we had makeup sex, and now we’re back together again, no biggy…just don’t make a big deal out if it, it makes us nervous.
I think for the next six weeks or so my biggest assignment is just to keep taking care of myself. It has become very easy in the past few days to blow things off or let them go because the wedding is approaching. And in some cases, I’m okay with that, this is a big deal, John and I are both working hard at work and at home, weekends are nuts…we deserves some wiggle room on ordering out or sleeping in, but in terms of exercise and eating right, I really just want to watch myself and not let it all go down the drain in the name of “I deserve it”
I’m thinking also that when winter comes, or the days I don’t ride my bike, I need to work very hard on working out in the morning. The more I ride into work, the more I see how it changes my ENTIRE day to get sweaty and worked up first thing in the morning. But…you know, I don’t know, mornings are rough!
What I really wanted to talk about today is getting older. The Hixx turns 38 a week from Saturday and I think that’s just fine. I love my birthday, which is great, and of course I have my moments of fear of aging and all that but I’ve never been that bothered by my age at any age. I fear getting old, but I don’t fear getting old-er.
And I made a promise to myself a few months back and it’s this: I will not do anything to try and make myself look younger.
(besides dying my hair, I’m um…gray and I will let it grow out after 40, but not before, it’s my one caveat, let me have it).
I just don’t see the point, even if I look younger, I’m still older, it doesn’t change anything. I want to look 38, why would I want to look 26 when I’m 38? It just seems very silly to me. And granted, its not like I’m some sophisticated grown up dresser or anything, I’ve been dressing like I’m 14 since I was well…14. But I’m not going to buy anti-wrinkle cream; I’ll buy the moisturizer that I like.
I’m not going to buy pink nail polish because it’s supposed to make you look younger; I’ll buy it if I like it.
No plastic surgery ever, no skin peels, no botox, no jaunty skirts I would never wear anyway, no wearing glasses because it covers up my old face.
And I can say in all honesty, and I’m not blowing smoke up my horn or tooting my ass, but I believe I am more attractive now on the cusp of 38 than I have ever been in my entire life. And it’s not just that I’ve “made peace” with myself, but that I like a few wrinkles, I like some imperfections, I like character and I like the way I look.
I want to be the best 38 year old woman I can be, I will do what is in my power to make what I have look its best, but I will not try to make myself look “younger”
Except for my hair.
Hee.
4 comments:
Last year when my friends got married - the groom to be came over one night just heartbroken because they had had their worst fight ever and he didn't know if it would work out after such horrible things were said and done. It took some talking, but we finally got down to the crux of this serious issue and it was that he called her friends - goth and she was offended because they're more punk. All I'm saying is - these last few weeks are stressful, but you'll get through it!
oh wait - you're making a joke about 146, aren't you? I'm slow today.
You know Julene, when I wrote that, I was also thinking it reads like John and I broke up and cried and stuff.
Even going back, it does kind of read like that. You may be slow today, but its not out of nowhere!
in the previews/trailers for batman, there was some trailer for some movie that seemed right up my alley ... and it had all these great women actors in it. and there was one moment where i thought, "wow, they look so much older." and then i thought, "and aside from meg ryan's lips, they all look really beautiful and natural and i'm so glad they aren't all plastic surgery-ed up."
it was a nice moment, even though it came from a brief pang of vanity/looks freakout.
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