Better than heroin.

Okay, so melancholy has a hard time breathing on a day like today, good thing it’s not January, or I could melancholy all over the land.

Really though, my melancholy started going away after my awesome run last night.

I know it’s not ISHT, but that doesn’t matter right? I can still discuss exercise/food type things on a Tuesday right? RIGHT?

So anyway, last night I had one of those great runs, one of those runs you wish you had every night, one of those runs that’s like drugs, because you’re always trying to achieve that great run you had, but running isn’t like drugs, because with drugs you get it right the first time, and then you’re chasing it, but with running, it SUCKS the first time and you get better and then get these great runs in between.

Whew.

Anyway, it was just a smidge cooler last night, but because of all the rain everything was SO green and smelled SO good and I had all this nasty energy built up and I started out so slow and so icky and I think I just wanted to punish myself, you know that feeling? So I just kept going and going and running and I was so hot and so sweaty and still wanted to punish myself but felt myself sinking into the run, looking around, smelling the green, smiling at dogs (those little bastards can always elicit a smile from even the grumpiest me) and by the time I was done and clapping and singing to Bleeding Love, I realized that I am not this wedding, that I am not this work, I am not this daughter, girlfriend, friend, employee, sister…

All I was in that moment was me, running, sweating. That all these things that cause me fear or stress, or even joy, are such tiny aspects of who I am, that my power lies in my own brain, my own legs and arms, my breath.

I literally worked it out, sweated it out, and ran out of my head, out of the mental and into the physical. What a great feeling. I’m going to chase it again tonight.