ISHT - Fuzzy head edition

ISHT!!!

Guess what everyone?? 149!!!! ONE FORTY NINE!

I’m really getting down there; the fat is just peeling off!

Anyway, here are a few things I’m thinking about today….

I’ve really been working at speeding up in my running, the sprints are helping a lot and I’ve shaved almost a full minute off of my mile average and every run keep making my best mile less and less, its great, really nice to see such an improvement. I’m now running roughly an 11:10 mile and I was at over 12 before I started. So…that’s kinda fun. I’ve been running 3 mile runs and they’re going great.

I went last night to go running and I couldn’t even run half a mile. I had to stop, then I tried to focus and run…it was such a beautiful night, I found a new place I really like to run and so I tried to focus and nothing…I turned on some of my favorite tunes and still, I just couldn’t run more than half a mile at a time! Eventually, after struggling and pushing I decided to stop and just enjoyed a really lovely walk home.

Today I feel slightly funky, wondering if I’m maybe sick (it’s been a long time, knock knock) and I gotta say, I’ve really been battling about my night tonight. It’s an exercise night for me, I have an extremely busy weekend coming up with no real time for exercising, so tonight is important…but I’m tired, I’m getting achy going up one stair. I told John at lunch I was seriously considering just going home and getting right on the couch. And honestly, I really cannot remember the last time I did that.

And I’m thinking, if I’m working on listening to my body, shouldn’t I tonight? I’m not one to beg out of exercise, I put enough pressure on myself to just go out, I know I’ll feel better after….so shouldn’t I give myself a break today? If yesterday I really felt like I couldn’t run and my body was so tired, and I feel it today, why is it so hard for me to take one night off and let my body rest and relax? I think I will, I think I’m going to do it!

Anyway, it’s just fascinating to me that I’m finding it hard to take a night off. But I have to listen, and my body is telling me to sit the fuck down.

I’ve started meditating. I’ve been doing it in the morning for about 15-20 minutes and I’m really digging it. It’s hard, the thoughts that pop up constantly, but so interesting to be aware of what those thoughts are, how easy it is to slip into mindless thinking, which mindless thinking comes up and what Jon Kabbat Zinn called “the dance” to let those thoughts go. He says that you can’t force that mindless thinking out, but like a man sways a woman to the other side of a room, so it is with those thoughts.

I’m getting to the point where I can sink into it pretty quickly, and find it as calming as going into a quiet room but my mind is the quiet room. I’m going to keep working on it, maybe read some more Zinn eventually and soon try and meditate on specific ideas…one is to meditate on yourself as a child, and your adult person hugging and loving yourself as a child…interesting what that brings up just thinking about it.

Or Tolle’s meditations of just repeating “I Am”, and not finishing the sentence.

So yeah, blog, you helped me decide. I’m going to go home, walk my dog and get right on the couch and read and play on the computer and watch TV and enjoy a WHOLE entire night, and let me body rest like it seems to want to.

And I’m not going to feel one ounce of guilt about it either.