So, my head is a little Buddhist today, I got some “whatever will be will be” going on and damn, it feels delicious.
You know I’ve been struggling reading this Eckhart Tolle, just struggling. I’ve really felt like a child being scorned by a very knowledgeable parent. I see a lot of what he talks about in myself. I’m a complainer, I complain about a lot of things, I complain about the weather, about people, I place blame on things and humans, I really do. It’s been building lately, with lots of annoyance at the general public: where and how you drive your car, how wait on the platform for the train, the rush to get a seat, all of these things have been sources of deep annoyance for me.
Tolle makes it so that you cannot complain anymore. He makes it so extremely obvious that your problem with all these things is exactly that, your problem. Trust me, chickie on the train does not give one iota of a damn if I think she’s a bitch for trying to stand in front of the door, and really, why does it matter so much to me if she does?
So, in the world of the Hixx, a book comes along right when I need it. I was/am at the height of my complaining and annoyance with the world.
Well now I’ve gotten to the part of Tolle where he stops telling us how awful we are, and starts telling us how to fix it. That, and what could amount to some major life changes, have really turned my world upside down.
And you know what? It’s kinda fun.
To not despise every moment, to not feel annoyance and anger at every person, to separate myself a bit from things that just don’t ring true for me, to explore what it might be like to welcome things instead of hate them, to think about my life in a way I never really thought about before, to explore possibilities that seemed like pipe dreams, to realize that however this goes right now, I’m going to be really fine…is just…fascinating.
I am indifferent. I am indifferent. If it goes this way, then that is the way it goes, if it goes that way, then that is the way it goes. And here I will stand, the same person no matter which way it goes.
And lucky for me, barring that things go the way of John dying in some horrible accident, I have an amazing friend and partner who lets me know he accepts it as it is too, without judgment.
ANTM, PR, YAY.
2 comments:
it's so amazing to me that there really are so many people/things/ideas saying the same thing. when my grandma died, i asked for all of her spirituality books.
she had the original 'course in miracles' books and workbooks and stuff (marianne williamson was the recent purveyor of this stuff). and i picked the one up (there's a lesson for each day of the year and such) and the first lesson was to look around at your surroundings and to start looking at individual things and saying to yourself: "this means nothing."
to do this three or four times a day -- look at a variety of things in your environment. lock them in your sight, and then acknowledge them, thinking "this means nothing." the fork, the favorite sweater, the tv, the cat, the door, the couch.
it said you can resist even when you're doing it, but just do it. i didn't even go to the next day. i guess i wasn't ready for a miracle. it haunted me. i've done it here and there when i remember to do it, but it's still a freaky exercise for me. it shows me just how tightly i'm holding on to things, people, places, ideas.
sorry for the long comment. your 'indifference' brought it out in me.
Smuss, absolutely. What Tolle is saying is so no different from what anyone else is saying. I think at this point its a matter of who says it for you the best.
But yes, it is disturbing, I agree, I think thats why I'm struggling so much with it. But i've had small flashes of freedom from thinking it too. But a lot of it is pointing out just how stuck in the material world I really am.
When I first read Tolle a few years ago, I had to put it down, it was just too much for me. Fascinating though.
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